When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual »

Carol Grever, MA, experienced the shock of her husband's disclosure of his homosexuality after they had been married more than thirty years and had reared their two sons. She successfully recovered through all the stages of straight spouse healing, and has become a recognized spokesperson on straight spouse matters with wide exposure on network radio and television, including "The Oprah Winfrey Show." She is a former English professor and staffing company owner. Ms. Grever's published work includes My Husband is Gay: A Woman's Guide to Surviving the Crisis which has been translated into Thai and Spanish, and a collection of poetry, Sun of a New Dawn.

Deborah Bowman, PhD, is a Professor at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado where she founded the Transpersonal Counseling Psychology program and the Wilderness Therapy program. She teaches a variety of courses, including Gestalt Awareness, Professional Identity, and Group Dynamics and Leadership. Dr. Bowman has worked with a wide range of issues as a clinical psychologist with over 19 years of experience in private practice. She is a Director and professional trainer with the Boulder Psychotherapy Institute offering courses in Gestalt Therapy, the Child Within, Creativity, and Dreamwork. Dr. Bowman's work has appeared in the Gestalt Review.

Effective therapeutic self-help techniques for a straight mate's recovery

One of the most traumatic events that can happen in a marriage is discovering your mate is gay. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual is a comprehensive exploration of the trauma that provides practical steps that successful individuals have taken to keep this event from ruining their future. This guide offers solid therapeutic techniques for self-help and presents poignant true stories that illustrate that the damage is not irreparable. The book examines the various reactions to the coming-out event, the personal challenges and obstacles often experienced, and shares lessons learned and some of the secrets of transformation.

When this crisis hits home, isolation, depression, anger, grief, and self-recrimination take root. When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual presents role models, analysis, practices, and activities promoting long-term emotional recovery for heterosexual men and women whose intimate partners are gay. The text includes integrated exercises helpful for class work and student discussion and case studies of people who recount their stories and explain their recovery.

Topics in When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual include:

• Different straight spouse responses to the coming out event
• Diverse ways gay mates approach coming out
• Typical stages of coping by straight spouses
• Health risks
• How to tell the children
• Helping children with the resulting challenges
• Paths toward healing
• Recreating family
• And more

When Your Spouse Comes Out: A Straight Mate's Recovery Manual offers a self-directed path to recovery which can be used individually or in the context of a support group. This guide is invaluable for straight spouses working alone or in groups, therapists, counselors, group facilitators, librarians, families of gays/lesbians, and their mates.

Foreword
Preface
PART I: GROUND UNDERSTANDING CONTRASTING PATTERNS
Chapter 1. Three Straight Spouse Stories
A Victim: "Just Getting By"
Paralyzed: "Isolated and Stuck"
A Thriving Exemplar: "Moving On"
Preparation for This Course in Recovery
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Chapter 2. Coming Out Three Ways
Living the Double Life
A Faster Track
Endless Closet
Questions to Ponder and Activities
Chapter 3. Steps Toward Resolution: A Typical Example
Early Reactions
The New Reality
Turning Point
Resolution
Questions to Ponder and Activity
PART II: PATH SELF-HEALING GUIDE FOR STRAIGHT SPOUSES
Chapter 4. Underlying Psychological Forces
Boundary Disturbances and Defense Mechanisms
Introjection
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Confluence
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Retroflection
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Projection
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Deflection
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Conclusion
Chapter 5. Overcoming Immediate Personal Challenges
Fear, Secrecy and Isolation
A Therapeutic Approach to Fear
Activities: Awareness, Insight, and Action
Shame and Self-Doubt
A Therapeutic Approach to Shame
Activities Related to Shame
Chapter 6. Processing Risks, Anger, and Grief
Physical Health Risks
Inevitable Anger
A Therapeutic Approach to Anger
Activities Related to Anger
Loss and Grief
A Therapeutic Approach to Grief
Awareness, Insight, and Action Related to Grief
Questions to Ponder and Activities
Chapter 7. Meeting Family and Social Challenges
Telling the Children
Coparenting and Single Parenting
Re-Creating Family
Developmental Challenges with Children
Understanding Your Gay Partner's Process
Relating to a Gay Mate
Shifting Social and Family Ties
Questions to Ponder and Activity
Chapter 8. Mastering Long-Term Personal Obstacles
Loss of Trust
Religious and Moral Conflicts
Depression
Bitterness
Loneliness
Reiteration of a Past Wound
Questions to Ponder and Activities
PART III: FRUITION THRIVING AFTER CRISIS
Chapter 9. Secrets of Transformation
Living "On Purpose"
Tools for Renewal
Nourishment of the Spirit
Healing from Within
Appendix A: Activities for Self Healing
Appendix B: Related Resources
References
Index