Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide »

MIKKI MORRISSETTE is a Choice Mother of two and a longtime journalist. She has been both a writer and an editor at Time Inc. and has written and edited special projects for the New York Times. She is now married and lives with her family in Minneapolis.

The comprehensive guide for single women interested in proactively becoming and being a mother—includes the essential tools needed to decide whether to take this step, information on how best to follow through, and insight about answering the child’s questions and needs over time.

Choosing Single Motherhood, written by a longtime journalist and Choice Mother (a woman who chooses to conceive or adopt without a life partner), will become the indispensable tool for women looking for both support and insight. Based on extensive up-to-date research, advice from child experts and family therapists, as well as interviews with more than one hundred single women, this book explores

• common questions and concerns of women facing this decision, including: Can I afford to do this? Should I wait longer to see if life turns a new corner? How do Choice Mothers handle the stress of solo parenting?
• what the research says about growing up in a single-parent household • how to answer a child’s “daddy” questions • the facts about adoption, anonymous donor insemination, and finding a known donor • how the children of pioneering Choice Mothers feel about their lives

Written in a lively style that never sugarcoats or sweeps problems under the rug, Choosing Single Motherhood covers the topic clearly, concisely, and with a great deal of heart.

Acknowledgments     x
Introduction: About the Author, About the Book     xii
Typical Inner Conflicts     1
Am I Single-Mother Material?     5
Can I handle it?
Do I have the proper motivation?
Is it fair to the child?
Do I have enough resources to be a good single parent?
Transitioning to motherhood
Can I Afford It?     22
Spending habits
Childcare costs and tips
Big-ticket expenses
Long-term issues
The cost of conception
Grieving the Childhood Dream     43
Living with grief
Choosing to wait
Getting to the roots
When you keep walking
Will My Community Accept Us?     60
"You are selfish"
Why the opposition?
Why do we care?
Helping the child
Revisiting the Murphy Brown vs. Quayle debate
Is it Fair to the Child?     83
The Impact of a Single-Parent Home     85
What the research says
Portrait of a successful single parent
How Choice Moms succeed
Moral parenting
Growing Up without a Father     115
The skepticism
Two loving parents
Balance
Gender identification
Self-control
Kids' perceptions of fathers
Choosing the Method     139
Known Donor: Pros and Cons     141
What can go wrong
What can go right: child's identity and medical history
Questions to ask and understand
Reflections on being a known donor
Using Donor Insemination     171
Alphabet soup
The ethics
Open-identity option
Who are the donors?
Choosing a donor
The process
Choosing Adoption     201
Thinking about age, race, special needs, contact with birth family
Expense
Finding assistance
The home study
Transracial adoption
Day-to-Day Parenting     229
Dealing with the Stress     231
How to reduce stress
How do we handle it alone?
The difference a partner makes
Tips for the caregiver's soul
Having two
Answering the Daddy Question     259
Answering what kids really want to know
Basic dos and don'ts
Age-appropriate expert advice
When kids meet donor dads
Confronting Identity Issues     282
Why it matters to the kids
Typical ages and stages
The donor-conceived child
The adopted child
The transracial family
How to Raise a Well-Balanced Child     313
Meet the experts
The basics
Understanding the child
Community
Mutual respect
Authoritative parenting
The four-point game plan
Raising a boy
The Legacy of Choice     337
Of Politics and Policy     339
Who gets to try?
"I was turned away five times"
Who can be a donor?
Taking it to court
Rights around the world
Changes in adoption
Where gays and lesbians need not apply
Insurance
How marriage policy pertains
How Are the Kids Turning Out?     365
Social development
Effect of stigma
Will Choice Kids marry?
The mothers' perspectives
Strengths and weaknesses
Conversations with Kyla, Greg, Cambra, Laurabeth, Ryan, Grace, Zac
Conclusion: Connecting the Dots     394
Notes     405
Resources     420