Wicked French for the Traveler »

Howard Tomb is the author of the Wicked Travel books. He also writes for the Sunday Travel Section of the New York Times.

Any French guide can teach you to say J'ai faim! ("I'm starving!"), but only Wicked Frenchgives you the je ne sais quoi to hold your own with the natives-argue like a vrai existentialist, cultivate an attitude.

CONTENTS

WELCOME TO FRANCE

Welcome to France…5
Making French Noises with Your Mouth and Nose…5
The Untranslatables Pronunciation disclaimer…9
Friendly Customs Agents and Their Machine Guns…9
Prayer of the Frequent Flier…11 GETTING AROUND

Taxi Driver…12
Taxi Driver avec Cujo…14
Kilometers per Hour: Get a Grip…16
Rondpoint Technique and Recommended Armaments…17
Epithets on Wheels…18
Lesser-Known International Symbols…19
Fine Points of the Paris Metro…20
Railway Romance…21
ACCOMMODATIONS

Notorious Snouts, Part I: The Concierge…24
Notorious Snouts, Part II: The Réceptioniste…25
Tiny Hotel Rooms of France…26
Threatening the Maid…27
Tipping…28
Stiffing
SIGHTS, SOUNDS, AND SMELLS

Fashion Bondage…30
Dieter's Desiderata…31
Demon Children of the Eiffel Tower…32
Prayer to the Don…33
The Most Gigantic Art Museum on Earth…34
Intelligent Comments about Art You Can Make Yourself
Negotiating the Topless Beach…38
BUREAUCRACY AND CULTURE

Cultivating Your Attitude Problem…40
Understanding European Business Hours…42
Waiting for Godot's Telegram…44
WINE AND FOOD

No Bad Waiters…46
Organs You May Wish to Avoid Eating…48
Wine Talk of the Sophisticates…50
CAFE AND NIGHTLIFE

Dominating the Disco…52
Exotic Drinks of the French Nightclub…53
Café Etiquette…54
Existentialism and Other Bull…54
BanishingShrimps…56
Favorite Pet Names…57
The Words of Love…58
Your Emergency Confession…60
THE MODEL GUEST

Your First Rural Experience…62
The Inevitable Thank-You Note…63