Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years »

Carl Pickhardt, PhD, is a published author and psychologist in a private counseling practice. Dr. Pickhardt, whose books include The Connected Father, The Future of Your Only Child and Stop The Screaming, is married with four grown children and one grandchild. He lives in Austin, TX.

Why do many good children treat one another so badly?

This is a question parents eventually face and most start thinking about as their children prepare for high school. But the hard truth is, high school is too late.

Publishers Weekly

Why do so many preteens treat each other so badly? Why is intentional meanness so prevalent in the middle school years? Early adolescence, a time of major physical and psychological change, is also when preteens suffer harassment, stalking, intimidation, humiliation, and fear—and haven't a clue how to handle or stop this deliberate treatment. Psychologist Pickhardt identifies and examines the causes and behaviors that make up what he calls “social cruelty” among kids, clearly explaining that it appears in ages nine to 13 because that is when kids feel vulnerable about separating from childhood and desire more social independence. At the same time, they seek to protect their own diminishing self-worth by either derogating others' worth or going on the attack (to pre-empt getting hurt first) in order to assertively claim a place in school society. There are five major ways kids act out (teasing; exclusion; bullying; spreading rumors; and ganging up), and Pickhardt devotes one chapter to each of these, offering examples of different kinds of situations including fights and cyberbullying, dialogue for countering attacks, and encouragement for making good choices. Most importantly, there are instructions for parents, teachers, school administrators and counselors so they can effectively and consistently keep episodes of social cruelty under control. Pickhardt accurately and compassionately captures the voice and concerns of children and parents alike. This should find shelf space with Rosalind Wiseman's Queen Bees and Wannabes and Giannetti and Sagarese's Cliques. (Jan.)

Chapter 1 Social Cruelty 1

Chapter 2 Early Adolescence 21

Chapter 3 Teasing 67

Chapter 4 Exclusion 107

Chapter 5 Bullying 143

Chapter 6 Rumoring 183

Chapter 7 Ganging Up 211

Chapter 8 What the School Can Do 237

Conclusion: The Gifts of Adversity: Good Lessons from Bad Treatment 283

Recommended Reading 287

About the Author 291

Index 293