Why Can't You Read My Mind?: Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship »

Most people think that poor communication is the reason why so many relationships end, but it's actually the way we learn to think about our partners and our problems that kills trust, erodes intimacy, and cripples communication. In Why Can't You Read My Mind?, psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein reveals-for the first time-the nine toxic thought patterns at work in virtually every relationship, and shows couples how these distorted, negative, exaggerated thoughts can poison their love and end their union. With warmth and wisdom, Bernstein offers a simple yet powerful approach for breaking the toxic thinking cycle and helps readers establish new and more positive thinking habits for solving their problems and dealing with the stresses of everyday life. Packed with practical advice and valuable insights, Why Can't You Read My Mind? makes it possible for couples to remain in or return to loving relationships permanently, and points the way toward finding a truer kind of love with one another for the first time. Perfect for couples wanting to maintain their loving relationship as well as for those working to restore their love, this book provides the missing link, enabling couples to beat the relationship odds and sustain a long-term relationship.

Library Journal

People have misunderstood one another since the beginning of time-and, if the self-help genre is any indication, they continue to do so. Hogan, a well-traveled motivational speaker and expert on body language, and hypnotherapist Stubbs document common communication barriers (e.g., poor listening skills and being critical) and techniques to overcome them (e.g., distract the criticizer). Though initially a bit technical, the book smoothes out, presenting lucid examples to show readers that they should change themselves instead of trying to change others. The authors refer to research but fail to include their sources. Still, this effective and lively beginners' approach will find an appreciative readership. Large libraries can safely use this to supplement Kate M. Wachs's Relationships for Dummies; smaller libraries will do fine with either. Bernstein, a Philadelphia-based psychologist, describes "toxic" thought patterns that can damage even the healthiest relationships (readers will be reminded of those found in Clinton McLemore's Toxic Relationships and How To Change Them). He presents the MAP plan-Mindfulness, Alternatives, Practice-as the antidote to tendencies like labeling and blaming; he also offers techniques and activities for increasing intimacy, like making little things count. To boot, Bernstein clearly and conversationally discusses relationships in general, making good use of explanatory material and examples. While our partners really can't read our minds, this book does offer hope-and, refreshingly, it throws in the occasional alternative lifestyle couple. Like John Gottman's popular The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Willard F. Harley Jr.'s His Needs, Her Needs for Parents: Keeping Romance Alive, this is appropriate for most public libraries. Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.