When Your Parent Remarries Late In Life: Making Peace With Your Adult Stepfamily » (Bargain)

Terri P. Smith graduated with a B.A. degree in communications from Brigham Young University. She met her husband, Paul, while working for the U.S. Senate in Washington, D.C. Mrs. Smith has devoted the past twenty years to raising their four living children. In 2002, she began interviewing adult children and remarried, older couples to learn how they developed cherished friendships with mature stepfamily members. Mrs. Smith shares the wisdom she gained in When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life. She lives in West Orem, UT.

Dealing with stepparents isn't just a kid's problem anymore. With more and more older parents remarrying, you could be one of the many adults having to deal with the issues that arise from these later-in-life unions. Luckily, Terri P. Smith is here to help you out with what to do after your parent walks down the aisle, again.

Smith deals with the conflicts that will come up over:

• Sharing time between stepfamilies
• Family rituals
• Prized possessions
• Wills, inheritances, and trust funds
• Living arrangements
• Caregiving and illness
• Grandchildren—his and hers
• Holidays and vacations

These practical solutions and emotionally satisfying answers will relieve the strain of your parent's remarrying, and allow you to enjoy your new extended family!

Foreword     xi
Acknowledgments     xv
Introduction     xvii
"Why Is My Father Holding that Woman's Hand?"
Realizing Your Parent Is Dating     3
Initial Impressions Affect Acceptance     6
Adjusting to the Idea of Mom or Dad Dating     7
Getting Acquainted     13
Take Action     17
The Heart of the Matter     18
"What Is Your Intention with My Mother?"
Red Flags     21
Romance     25
Be Flexible     28
Trust Versus Mistrust     31
Take Action     32
The Heart of the Matter     34
"What Do You Mean the Wedding Is in Two Weeks?"
The Possibility of Marriage     38
Examine Your Reactions     42
Find Reasons to Rejoice     44
Take Action     54
The Heart of the Matter     55
To Attend or Not to Attend the Wedding?
The Pain of Exclusion     58
Share the Joy     62
Find the Humor     64
Autonomy Versus Shame     67
Take Action     67
The Heart of the Matter     69
"I Don't Feel Comfortable Calling You 'Dad'"
My Mom, the Newlywed     73
What Do I Call My Stepparent?     77
Make an Effort     78
Do Things Together     82
Show Your Stepparent How You Feel     86
Identity Versus Role Confusion     88
Take Action     89
The Heart of the Matter     91
"You Like Your Stepchildren Better Than Me!"
Loyalty Conflicts     94
Accept the Challenge     98
Courtesy and Cordiality     99
Respect     102
Be Inclusive     104
Withhold Judgment     106
Praise Versus Criticism     112
Figuring Out the New Extended Family     114
Intimacy Versus Isolation     117
Take Action     118
The Heart of the Matter     119
"Why Didn't You Ask Before You Sold My Mom's China?"
Dad's House, Her House, or Somewhere Else?     125
Making Sense of Your Reactions     127
Material Possessions     133
Personal Finances     135
Wills     138
Industry Versus Inferiority     141
Take Action     142
The Heart of the Matter     144
"But We've Always Spent the Holidays at Your House!"
Family Traditions      148
Holidays     152
Special Events     154
Small Gestures Speak Volumes     157
Take the Initiative     160
Initiative Versus Guilt     162
Take Action     163
The Heart of the Matter     165
"Don't Discipline My Children"
Addressing a Step-Grandparent     168
What You Can Do     171
Discipline     171
Grandparent Role     173
Generativity Versus Stagnation     178
Take Action     179
The Heart of the Matter     180
"Is It Okay to Contact My Ex-Stepmother?"
Divorce     186
Death     189
Integrity Versus Despair     192
Take Action     192
The Heart of the Matter     193
"Were One Big, Happy Family!"
Experience-a Noble Teacher     197
Overlook Simple Mistakes     202
Apologize Quickly     204
Forgiveness Offers Healing     208
Avoid Repeating Mistakes     210
Happiness Versus Misery     212
Take Action     212
The Heart of the Matter     214
"How Do I Overcome Barriers to Love?"
Common Barriers     218
Overcoming Barriers with Personal Change and Positive Attitude     223
Overcoming Barriers with Reasonable Expectations     227
Overcoming Barriers Through Wise Choices     230
Learn to Laugh     231
Persistence Pays Dividends     237
Time Is a Healer and Revealer     238
The Heart of the Matter     243
Conclusion Take Action
The Heart of the Matter     251
Resources     253
Index     259
About the Authors     266