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When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses » (Reprint)

Book cover image of When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses by John W. James

Authors: John W. James, Russell Friedman, Dr. Leslie Matthews
ISBN-13: 9780060084295, ISBN-10: 0060084294
Format: Paperback
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Date Published: June 2002
Edition: Reprint

Author Biography: John W. James

John W. James and Russell Friedman have been working with grievers for more than thirty years. They have served as consultants to thousands of bereavement professionals and provide Grief Recovery^® Seminars and Certification Programs throughout the United States and Canada. They are the founders of the Grief Recovery Institute^®.

Book Synopsis

This handbook will help parents and others model healthy attitudes to grief and loss to show children how to work through a loss. The commonsense suggestions include allowing emotions to be expressed without judgement and telling the truth about the adult's own grief. Personal stories illustrate the use of these techniques and their success. The authors are affiliated with The Grief Recovery Institute and have written other books on grief recovery. They do not have professional credentials in counseling or the helping professions. Annotation c. Book News, Inc., Portland, OR (booknews.com)

	Introduction: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First	xii
	Who Are We? And Why Have We Written This Book?	xv
Part 1	Monkey See, Monkey do	1
	Why Are You Reading This Book?	3
Chapter 1	What's the Problem and Whose Problem Is It?	5
	What's the Problem?	6
	What Is Grief, Anyway?	7
	Obvious and Hidden Losses	8
	Never Compare Losses	8
	Time Doesn't Heal--Actions Do	9
	Normal and Natural	10
	Crisis Behavior	11
	Between the Problem and the Solution: Six Major Myths	12
Chapter 2	Looking At Myth 1: Don't Feel Bad!	14
	Sweet but Dangerous	15
	Without Sadness, Joy Cannot Exist	16
	We Are Not Exaggerating	16
	Who's Responsible for Feelings?	21
Chapter 3	Looking at Myth 2: Replace the Loss, Part One	24
	All Relationships are Unique	26
	The Stolen Bicycle	27
	Toys and Dolls--Gone but Not Forgotten	28
	It's Time to Meet Leslie and Learn More about Cherished Possessions	29
	Replace the Loss, Part Two	31
Chapter 4	Looking at Myth 3: Grieve Alone	33
	Multigenerational Pass-Through	34
	Grieve Alone--A Closer Look	36
	Why Do People Grieve Alone?	38
	Is Alone Ever Okay?	39
	Here's Some Good News: Different Beliefs Produce Better Results For Children	39
	Pause to Reflect and Recap	40
Chapter 5	Looking at Myth 4: Be Strong	42
	Wait, There's More	43
	Strong or Human, Pick One!	44
Chapter 6	Looking at Myth 5: Keep Busy	46
	A Dangerous Illusion	47
	The Real Impact of Loss: Keeping Busy and Dwelling on Pain	48
	Dwelling on Pain Is Sometimes the Result of Not Being Heard	50
	Heard at Last	51
Chapter 7	Looking at Myth 6: Time Heals All Wounds	54
	Corporate Grief and Grief in the Classroom	55
	No Time Zones	56
Part 2	Moving From Grief to Recovery	59
Chapter 8	Looking for "The Book"	61
	John's Quest Continues	64
Chapter 9	What Is Incomplete Grief?	67
	Is Incomplete Grief Only about Bad Things?	69
Chapter 10	Helping the Helpers	73
	It's Easier to Fill an Empty Cup	73
	Scuba Diving Lessons	74
	The Critical Transition	75
	Boundless Capacity	77
	Delicate Strokes	78
	If Your Kids Are Older, Do Not Despair	79
	Do We Know Enough Yet?	79
Chapter 11	Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors (S.T.E.R.B.s)	80
	Do You Know Where Your Child's Energy Is?	82
	Short-Term Relief Doesn't Work	84
	Recapping Part Two	87
Part 3	The Path to Completion	89
	What is Completion?
Chapter 12	The Relationship Review	91
	Relationship Reviews Happen Automatically	91
	Who Goes First?	92
	Pick the Fruit When It's Ripe	93
Chapter 13	Real-Life Examples	96
	Out of the Mouths of Babes--Good-bye, Mr. Hamster	96
	All Grief Is Experienced at 100 percent	98
	The Death of a Pet	98
	Random Memories	102
Chapter 14	Helping Your Child Review the Relationship	103
	Sleeping in the Bed, or Not	105
	Minding the Steam Kettle	106
Chapter 15	The Emotional Energy Checklist	107
	Children and Their Pets: Reviewing Events and Emotions	107
	Emotional Energy Checklist: Death of a Pet	110
Chapter 16	What to Do with the Review	113
	Converting Emotional Energy Into Recovery Components	113
Chapter 17	Recovery Components	116
	Apologies First	116
	Apologies to Living People	116
	Apologies to People Who Have Died	119
	Should Parents Ever Apologize?	119
	Time Doesn't Create Completion: Actions Do	120
Chapter 18	Recovery Components: Forgiveness	121
	Forgiveness Is an Action, Not a Feeling	123
Chapter 19	Recovery Components: Significant Emotional Statements	126
	Are the Same Things Significant for Everyone?	127
	Some Significant Comments Require Forgiveness	128
	Fond Memories	128
	Recapping This Section	129
Chapter 20	Death of a Person	132
	Reviewing Relationships with People Who Have Died	133
	The Death of a Grandparent	134
	Uniqueness Is the Real Issue	135
	"Less Than Loved Ones"	137
	Complex Relationships	137
	Emotional Energy Checklist: Grandparent, Relative, or Close Acquaintance	139
	Recapping Part Three--Is It Soup Yet?	143
	Before We Move On, We Honor the Readers	144
Part 4	Moving from Discovery to Completion	145
Chapter 21	Continuing Litany vs. Freedom
	Carrying the Litany Is a Heavy Load	147
	Exaggerated Memory Pictures	149
	Freedom Feels Better	150
Chapter 22	Zeroing In on Completion	151
	"Thumper"	151
Chapter 23	Delivering, Completing, and Saying Good-bye	160
	Leading Up to Jessica's Letter	161
	Jessica's Completion Letter to Thumper	163
	Entirely Different but Exactly the Same	176
Chapter 24	Very Close to NaNa	169
	Emotional Energy List--Grandparent, Relative, or Close Acquaintance	176
	Chronicling Events that Occur After a Death	179
	Amanda's Completion Letter to NaNa	181
Chapter 25	One More Letter	183
	Jeffrey's Letter	184
	New Discoveries	185
	What About Jeffrey's Sisters?	186
	Concluding Part Four	187
Part 5	Other Losses	189
	Focusing on Moving and Divorce	189
Chapter 26	The First Big Move	191
	Transitional Events	193
Chapter 27	What Not to Do	194
	Moving	197
Chapter 28	On Divorce	199
	Leslie Gets the First Word--The Divorce of My Parents	199
Chapter 29	Bad New--Bad News	202
	Long Term or Sudden Impact	202
	Whose Divorce Is It?	203
	Multiple Losses	204
	Sometimes We Get Lucky	206
	Don't Fix Feelings	207
	Don't Be Fooled--Relief Is Only the Last Feeling	208
	Noble Sentiments, but Hearts Are Still Broken	209
	One Central Issue	201
	Unique Is Still the Bottom Line	211
	Where Is the Focus?	212
	Taking Sides	213
	Children Sometimes Blame Themselves	214
	What Can You Do to Help?	214
	Leslie Gets the Last Word, Too	215
Part 6	Closing up Shop	219
Chapter 30	The "D" Word	221
	Illusion of Protection	222
	Solid and Clear Reference Point	222
	Sometimes the World Travels Backward	223
	Talking About Death with Your Child	224
	Curiosity Helps Children Learn	226
Chapter 31	Euphemisms + Metaphors = Confusion	230
Chapter 32	Four Weddings and a Funeral?	234
	Forty-five Years Later, but Who's Counting	237
Chapter 33	Win-Win	240
	Chloe and Carrie Sue and the Real Meaning of Time	240
	Three Generations	242
	Spencer's Accidental Owners	244
	Tuning In to Elizabeth	247
	The Grief Recovery Groupie	249
	Our Completion with You	252
	Questionnaire	254
	Acknowledgments	261

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Category Books

When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses » (Reprint)

Author Biography: John W. James

Book Synopsis

Table of Contents

Subjects