What Would Machiavelli Do?: The Ends Justify the Meanness » (Unabridged)

Bestselling author Stanley Bing is by day an executive in a gigantic multinational corporation whose identity is one of the worst-kept secrets in business.

What Would Machiavelli Do?

• He would feast on other people's discord
• He wouldn't exactly seek the company of ass-kissers and bimbos, but he wouldn't reject them out of hand, either
• He would realize that loving yourself means never having to say you're sorry
• He would kill people, but only if he could feel good about himself afterward
• He would establish and maintain a psychotic level of control
• He would use other people's opinions to sell his book!

Acknowledgments xi
Preface xiii
Introduction xvii
What Would Machiavelli Do? He would exploit himself only slightly less than he exploits others 1
He would be unpredictable, and thus gain the advantage 3
He would be in love with his destiny 6
He would be, for the most part, a paranoid freak 8
He would always be at war 12
He would cultivate a few well-loved enemies 16
He would have a couple of good friends, too 21
He would acquire his neighbor 22
He would think BIG 25
He would move forward like a great shark, eating as he goes 27
He would kill people, but only if he could feel good about himself afterward 29
He would fire his own mother, if necessary 37
He would make a virtue out of his obnoxiousness 41
He would be way upbeat! 44
He would be satisfied with nobody but himself 45
He would treat himself right 47
She would view her gender as both a liability and an asset 52
He would use what he's got 58
He would embrace his own madness 60
He would do what he feels like doing, you idiot 64
He would say what he felt like saying 69
He would delegate all the crummy tasks, except the ones he enjoys 71
He wouldn't exactly seek the company of ass-kissers and bimbos, but he wouldn't reject them out of hand, either 72
He would respond poorly to criticism 73
He would carry a grudge until the extinction of the cockroach 74
He would lie when it was necessary 77
He would be proud of his cruelty and see it as strength 81
He would kick ass and take names 85
He would permanently cripple those who disappoint him 89
He would torture people until they were only too happy to destroy themselves 93
He would feast on other people's discord 96
He would make you fear for you life 99
He would be loyal to the people who could up with all this 101
He would have no patience for anyfuckingbody 106
He would screw with people's weekends, wedding plans, open-heart surgery... 107
He would put it in you face 108
He would realize that loving yourself means never having to say you're sorry 110
He would have no conscience to speak of 117
He would scream at people a lot 120
He would establish and maintain a psychotic level of control 123
He would follow the money, honey 127
He wouldn't be afraid to sling that bullshit 131
He would eat to kill 137
He would never retire 142
He would have fun 144
Afterword: What Would Machiavelli Not Do? 145