Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex »

SHIRT: SPORTS JERSEY.
JEANS: EMBELLISHED.
HAIR: OVERLY GELLED.
STATUS: UNDATEABLE.

Did your date show up wearing socks with sandals? Are tighty-whities a deal-breaker for you? Do fanny packs make you want to run for the door? Now, for the very first time, we’re revealing the secret list of things that so many perfectly eligible guys manage to wear, say, or do to make themselves completely undateable. With an essential rating system that ranges from minor red-flag offenses all the way to the irreversible kiss of death, this hilarious handbook exposes the many common mistakes that can turn an otherwise acceptable man from a “maybe” into a “no way.” From pleated shorts and soul patches to ordering girly drinks and owning more than one cat, the evidence is painfully funny to behold. No more double denim, corporate swag, or exclaiming “Booya!” No more jogging in place at stoplights, and definitely no more “going dutch” on the first date. This book is for every woman who’s ever wondered where to draw the line, and every guy who’s ever asked, “What did I do wrong?”

Here’s what you did.

Introduction 1

A Few Notes on How to Read This Book... 9

What Not to Wear 10

What Not to Say 94

What Not to Do 126

What Not to Be

Weekend White Guy 30

“G” 38

Anal Andy 58

Benchwarmer 74

Mr. Softy 84

Meathead 98

Bitter Boy 106

Enlightened Gay 140

Stoney 156

Mega Douche 168

Why Your Guy Friends Find You Undateable 176

Conclusion 182