The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship »

David Whyte is also the author of seven books of poetry, including River Flow: New & Selected Poems.

A radical, "crystalline" (Elle) approach to integrating our work, relationships, and inner selves from the bestselling author, poet, and speaker.

The author of Crossing the Unknown Sea and The Heart Aroused encourages readers to reimagine how they inhabit the worlds of love, work, and self-understanding. Whyte suggests that separating these "marriages" in order to balance them is to destroy the fabric of happiness itself. Drawing from his own struggles and the lives of some of the world's great writers and artists-from Dante to Jane Austen to Robert Louis Stevenson-Whyte explores the ways these core commitments are connected. Only by understanding the journey involved in each of the three marriages and the stages of their maturation, he says, can we understand how to bring them together in one fulfilled life.

Out of Nowhere 1

The Premise 9

Bk. 1 The Three Marriages: Work, Self and Other

Ch. 1 Some Definitions 17

The First Marriage: The One We Usually Mean 17

Work: The Second Marriage 23

Self: The Third Marriage 30

Bk. 2 Love's First Glimpse: Looking for a Mate, a Job, a Life

Ch. 2 The Classic Case: Love's First Glimpse of Love Itself 39

Ch. 3 Vows Made for Me: Falling in Love with a Work 51

Ch. 4 The Doorless Door: Youth's First Glimpse of the Self 76

Bk. 3 The Joy of Pursuit: What We Think We Are Worthy of in This World

Ch. 5 The Pursuit of the First Marriage: The Classic Case Again: Early Stage 95

Ch. 6 Opening a Tidal Gate: The Pursuit of a Work Through Difficulty, Doubt and Distraction 110

Ch. 7 Searching for a Self: The Pursuit That Is Not a Pursuit 140

Bk. 4 Engagement: The Dramas and Disappointments Immediately Prior to Marriage

Ch. 8 Have Nothing, Dare Everything 173

Ch. 9 Jane Austen: Despite All 194

Ch. 10 Alone in the Struggle: Turning to Face the World 214

Bk. 5 Living Together: The Art of Marriage

Ch. 11 The Art of Marriage: The Disappearance, Reappearance and Dissolution of the Self 241

Ch. 12 A Sweet Prison: Living with the Work We've Chosen 269

Ch. 13 Living with the Self: Divorce, Forgiveness and Remarriage 289

Ch. 14 Not a Question of Balance: A Marriage of Marriages 313

Acknowledgments 325

Bibliography 327

Index 331