Solace: Finding Your Way Through Grief and Learning to Live Again »

Roberta Temes, Ph.D. (Westfield, NJ) is a noted psychologist who has taught classes in death, dying and bereavement at schools such as Downstate Medical School, CUNY, and University of Pennsylvania Continuing Education for Physicians. She is the author of several books, including the award-winning Living with an Empty Chair: A Guide Through Grief.

How do you grieve the loss of a loved one? Is it best to seek the comfort of others or go it alone? Stay stoically strong or let it out? Does it take weeks, months, years? Actually, says Dr. Roberta Temes, we all experience and process grief in our own unique way.

No one can tell you exactly how you'll feel or what to do, but with Solace as your guide, you'll understand the stages of your grief and your changing and sometimes conflicting emotions. Dr. Temes will help you consider the pros and cons of bereavement groups, counselors, and other sources of help, and how to use visualization and other techniques to ease your mind and heart-even on your worst days.

Enriched with personal stories drawn from the author's bereavement practice, Solace also provides inspiring quotes and affirmations to life you through each day-until the healing process takes hold and you begin once again to find purpose and joy in life.

Author's Note xi

Acknowledgments xiii

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 What Is Bereavement? 5

Initial Numbness 8

Disorganization 11

Your Emotions Now 12

Your Needs Now 19

Reorganization 20

Chapter 2 Cause for Concern? 25

When to Worry 25

Can You Die of a Broken Heart? 28

Strange Things Are Happening 29

Are You Having Visitation Dreams? 29

Are You Having Flashbulb Memories? 30

Are You Having Hallucinations? 30

Are You Forgetting About the Death? 31

Are You Crying? 32

Are You Suffering from Stress? 34

Chapter 3 Helping Yourself 39

Work Is Therapy 39

Socializing Is Therapy 40

Organizing Is Therapy 40

Taking Action Is Therapy 42

Food Is Therapy 43

Planning Is Therapy 44

Religion Is Therapy 44

Writing Is Therapy 45

Art Is Therapy 49

Learning Is Therapy 51

Reading Is Therapy 51

Sweet Moments 52

Chapter 4 Help from Others 55

Bereavement Groups 55

Disenfranchised Grief 58

Group Benefits 61

Bereavement Counselors-Pros and Cons 64

Repression 66

The Myth of Closure 67

Help for Military Widows 68

Your Funeral Director 69

Your Family and Friends 70

The Unhelpful 72

Financial Assistants 73

Finding Help on the Internet 74

Websites 76

Blogs 84

You Tube 86

Chapter 5 Rituals and Remembering 89

Funerals 89

Cremation 90

Green Burials 91

Eulogies 92

Mourning Customs 94

Monuments 96

Anniversary Days 99

Personal Rituals 100

Memorial Celebrations 101

Chapter 6 Helping Children Through Grief 103

Listening to Your Children 104

Speaking to Your Children 106

Understanding Your Children 109

Chapter 7 Novel Ways to Help Yourself 113

The Tapping Cure 113

Visualizations That Heal 117

Chapter 8 YourFuture 121

Reinvention 123

Conclusion 126

Appendix 129

Bibliography by Chapter 139

Index 141