Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship: How to Break the Cycle of Arguments, Put-Downs, and Stony Silences »

W. Robert Nay, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in McLean, Virginia, and Annapolis, Maryland, and Clinical Associate Professor at Georgetown University School of Medicine. He has trained thousands of mental health professionals nationwide to work on anger management and relationship issues with their clients. The author of Taking Charge of Anger, Dr. Nay lives in Annapolis with his wife. His website is www.wrobertnay.com.

Has your relationship become a battlefield? Does your partner's sarcasm, irritability, or hostility make you wonder where the closeness and trust have gone—and how much more you can take? If anger is poisoning your relationship, this book offers a powerful antidote. Anger expert W. Robert Nay provides clear-cut, practical techniques for responding productively to inappropriate expressions of anger. Learn how anger gains a foothold in a couple's life, why your usual responses may unwittingly reward bad behavior, and how to stand up for yourself in ways that promote lasting change. Self-quizzes and step-by-step suggestions for dealing with different types of angry behavior are illustrated with true-to-life examples. Grounded in psychological science, the strategies in this book are simple yet surprisingly effective. Try them for yourself—and for the person you love.

Library Journal

Nay (Georgetown Univ. Sch. of Medicine) is an expert on anger management whose Taking Charge of Anger is a significant contribution to the literature. His new book addresses the more challenging matter of maintaining one's boundaries when confronting displays of anger by a significant other. He devotes much of this helpful book to educating readers about the manifestation and impact of anger within relationships. Most significantly, he provides advice about recognizing destructive dynamics and breaking dysfunctional patterns. With workbook exercises, this title is designed to be a practical guide for the lay reader, but it is also an excellent resource for mental health professionals, who could learn from it and also "prescribe" it for their clients. Nay's concluding chapter, "Coping with the Expected and Preparing for the Unknown," is particularly valuable in that it suggests strategies for dealing with the inevitable "pushback" that readers will experience when establishing firm boundaries. VERDICT A welcome complement to Carol Tavris's definitive Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion; indispensable.—Lynne F. Maxwell, Villanova Univ. Sch. of Law Lib., PA

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

INTRODUCTION 1

PART I Five Steps to Change in Your Relationship

1 UNDERSTANDING AND CONFRONTING ANGER: THE PROMISE OF CHANGE 7

2 RECOGNIZING HOW ANGER IS PULLING YOUR STRINGS 23

3 CREATING NEW BOUNDARIES- EXPECTING NEW BEHAVIOR 47

4 IDENTIFYING THE THINKING PATTERNS THAT KEEP YOU STUCK 63

5 TAKING NEW ACTIONS AND GETTING BETTER OUTCOMES 82

PART II Overcoming the Different "Faces" of Anger

6 LOUD, IMPATIENT, AND "OVER THE TOP": CONFRONTING HOSTILITY 109

7 WHEN WORDS DO HURT: REJECTING SARCASM AND VERBAL ABUSE 131

8 THREATS AND BEYOND: STAYING OFF THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF PHYSICAL ABUSE 155

9 PASSIVE ANGER: WHAT TO DO WHEN IT SEEMS HARMLESS BUT FEELS HARMFUL 183

PART III Making Boundaries Stick

10 COPING WITH THE EXPECTED AND PREPARING FOR THE UNKNOWN 209

APPENDIX 235

SUGGESTED RESOURCES 237

BIBLIOGRAPHY 245

INDEX 249

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 259