My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands »

Chelsea Handler is an accomplished stand-up comic and actress, as well as the bestselling author of My Horizontal Life. She is the star of her own late-night show on E!, Chelsea Lately; was one of the stars of Girls Behaving Badly; has appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Night with David Letterman; and has starred in her own half-hour Comedy Central special. Chelsea makes regular appearances in comedy clubs across America and lives in Los Angeles.

In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.

Publishers Weekly

Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed. Agent, Michael Broussard Dupree. (June) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.

Contents Look Who's Having Sex with Mommy....................1
The Beginning of the End....................13
Dumb and Dumber....................17
Guess Who's Leaving Through the Window?....................24
My Little Nugget....................39
Desperado....................46
Skid Mark....................53
Thunder....................60
Shrinky Dink....................68
Don't Believe a Word I Say....................74
The Cookie Monster....................83
Doctor, Doctor....................94
Oh, Shut Up Already!....................107
A Wedding Story....................122
Overboard....................139
Out of the Closet....................163
Rerun....................181
False Alarm....................197
Acknowledgments....................214