Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook: Everything I Know about Love and Marriage » (Reprint)

Emmy Award-winning broadcaster Steve Doocy is the cohost of Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends. He has earned reporting and writing awards from the Associated Press, Sigma Delta Chi, and the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, and has worked at NBC, CBS, and Fox. He and his wife, Kathy, live just outside New York City with their three children.

Ever since Eve asked Adam, "Do I look fat in this fig leaf?" it has been apparent that husbands don't know how to relate to their wives. Men believe they understand women and vice versa, but really men know as much about women as a cocker spaniel knows about assembling a Weber grill.

Welcome to The Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook, Steve Doocy's laugh-out-loud perspective on love, marriage, and family. The book can be used for its hilarious husband and wife wisdom or, if things aren't going well, as a projectile to get somebody's attention. This is not an advice book. It is a Don't Even Think of Trying This book. The author, his family, and his collection of friends (some very famous in the worlds of entertainment, business, and politics) have already discreetly made almost every conceivable marriage mistake, and it is their hope that this irreverent manual can save you the trouble of being an idiot on your own.

Doocy, co-host of Fox & Friends, who has been married for twenty consecutive years, provides real slice-of-life stories on everything from early marriage ("I love you, you're perfect, now wear this thong") and pregnancy ("You're eating for two? Who you and Shaquille O'Neal?") to sending your child to college ("Is that a funnel?") and retirement (high-fiber appetizers on Viagra dates). Most of the stories conclude with "corrections" and additional wise words from Doocy's real-life wife, Kathy, who, after two decades of picking up Steve's socks in the garage, has developed a zany sense of humor herself.

There is also a handy troubleshooting section for when things go haywire, like during the eye- opening experiment undertaken especially for this book, wherein the author wanted to prove to his wife that they were perfect for each other, so he had them join an on-line dating service. Out of a database of several hundred thousand guys, he was not in her top 532 local men. Despite the fact that their one- month experiment ended a year ago, she's still getting photographs of single men whose head shots appear to have been taken at a recent skinhead convention. Luckily for him, she still prefers "bonehead to skinhead."

This book is a celebration of the pageantry that is wedlock, which starts with an "I do" and sometimes ends with a boiled rabbit. Let's face it, marriage isn't always as smooth as a forty-year-old's forehead after six months of Botox. In fact, marriage is ridiculously hard, but laughing about it is now incredibly easy with The Mr. & Mrs. Happy Handbook.

Library Journal

Both of these tapes purport to offer marriage advice. However, Smith's program is for those seeking solid information, while the Doocy audiobook offers lighthearted entertainment. A licensed psychologist, Smith, who reads her own work, believes that truth is the main ingredient sustaining a lasting and happy marriage. Her book offers guidelines on what traditional marriage vows mean in a modern context. Couples are offered effective suggestions for how they can explore their individual interpretations concerning these promises. Tested techniques are suggested to ensure that discourse is respectful and empathetic. Anyone who wants to have a successful intimate relationship will find very useful advice here. Doocy primarily gives a humorist's view of courtship, marriage, sex, and child rearing. Harried parents of young families will recognize themselves and their situations-and laugh. Those who enjoy reading Erma Bombeck or regularly peruse Lynn Johnston's cartoons will enjoy this handbook, narrated by the author and his wife. While both of these programs are pleasurable, Smith's is essential for any selfhelp collection; Doocy's offering is a good choice for the humor section.-Kathleen Sullivan, Phoenix P.L. Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information.

Introduction     1
In the Beginning...     7
For His Eyes Only: Ladies, Please Skip This Passage     9
My Date with Destiny: October 27, 1985     10
The Wedding and the Honeymoon     19
Our Wedding Day: Countdown to Cake     20
George of the Wedding Jungle: W's Dos and Don'ts     25
What's a Honeymoon? A History Lesson     28
Adam and Steve: My Accidental Honeymoon     30
Lovers and Lepers: My Honeymoon with Meg Ryan     35
Honeymoon Horror Story: The Man from Glad     42
Porn to Be Wild: Should You Camcorder Everything?     42
A for Effort: Grading the Honeymoon     45
Marriage     49
You're Mr. & Mrs. Happy: Now What?     49
What We Really Want: The Lowdown on Love     52
I Can See Clearly Now: The End of the Honeymoon Effect     52
From "I Do" to "Uh-oh": Retraining the New Hire     53
Wedding Ca{dollar}her{dollar}: I Married a Cheapskate     59
Love Me (Legal) Tender: Marrieds and Money     62
Tastes Like Chicken: The Fear Factor     67
The Edit Sweet: Honesty     70
Married to the Mom: In-laws     74
I Dropped When I Shopped: Gift Fatigue     79
Saturday-Night Fights: How to Argue Without Gunplay     83
Oh No, It's Geraldo! When There's an Age Difference     87
Rules of Engagement: Married in the Military     93
Gimme Shelter: Your First Home     98
A Moving Experience: Relocating Your Family     101
The Aliens Next Door: Your Neighbors     109
Mr. Handy: Home Remodeling     114
King of Pain: Should I Go to the Hospital?     120
When I'm Dead, She's Rich: Wife Insurance     124
Pet of the Year: Animal House     127
Volun-teers of a Clown: Public Service     133
Good Sports: Playing Together     139
Our Marriage Is Perfect, Let's Date! An Experiment     143
Kids     149
Growing Your Family Tree: What Are You In For?     149
Pee on the Stick: Pregnancy     152
Dial M for Mother: Delivery Day     158
Sorry, Tallulah's Taken: Naming the Baby     165
Breast Intentions: Feeding in Public     170
Fear Factor: Baby Monitoring     174
Nannygate: Finding a Babysitter     180
Say What? Kids Say the Darnedest Things     186
Parent Trap: A Parent's Pop Quiz     190
Making the Grade: Time for School     196
My Boy in the Bubble: Are You Too Protective?     203
Where Did We Go Wrong? Worst-Case Scenarios     208
Crime and Punishment: Discipline     210
The Birds, the Bees, the Carrot: Talking About Sex     216
Dine and Dash: Feeding Time     221
Frequent-Crier Miles: Traveling with Kids     228
Almost Rubbed Out by Rudolph: Freak Accidents     232
My Father the Spy, My Mother the Murderer: What Parents Do for Their Kids     239
Be Prepared: Girl and Boy Scouts     244
The Coach Bag: Going Out for the Team     256
The Graduate: Kids and College     265
Mature Topics     275
Where Do I Plug This In? Appliances     275
I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Wear This Thong: Do Not Attempt This at Home     276
The Love Machine, by Kenmore: Mom and Dad Take a Time-out     278
Porn Losers: When You See Things You Should Not     280
Me Tarzan, You Neighbor: Swingers     283
Troubleshooting     285
Kill Him with Kindness: Desperate Housewives     285
The Doctor Is In, the Parking Lot: Affairs     289
When It Hits the Fan: Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford     293
Mother of All Arguments: The Prenup      296
Happily Ever After     303
Cracking the Code: The Secret to a Long, Happy Marriage     303
"Yes, Dear, Pour Me a Beer": The Longest Marriage on Earth     305
Honeymooner Hall of Fame: Real-Life Success Stories     307
Peggy Sue Got Married: Marrying Your High School Sweetheart     311
The 4-H Club: Recipe for a Happy Marriage     315
Where's the Tabasco? How to Keep Marriage Exciting     319
The Not-So-Newlywed Game: Five Questions for Your Spouse     321
Niagara Falls Plus Fifty: Good News: Love Lasts     322
I'm Almost Out of Toner: Final Thoughts     327
Author Thank-Yous and Shout-Outs     333