Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families » (New Edition)

If you need help having a baby, reproductive technology can supply the answer. But it also raises a host of questions that won’t arise until after the child is born: What will you say to “Where did I come from?” when the answer includes a donor or surrogate? Will knowing the truth about how you conceived make your child love you less? Will having a baby with someone else strain your relationship with your spouse or partner? What will grandparents, family members, friends, and coworkers think? Dr. Diane Ehrensaft--a developmental and clinical psychologist who’s worked with families formed using assisted reproductive technology for more than 20 years--helps you anticipate the big questions and find solutions that are right for you and your loved ones. Dr. Ehrensaft offers information, support, and straightforward advice for coping with private worries, confronting public prejudices, and raising happy, healthy children. Single or married, straight or gay, anyone looking forward to the joys and challenges of building a family with the help of a donor or surrogate will discover a wealth of thought-provoking ideas and fresh insights in this sensitive, practical, and positive book.

Publishers Weekly

With the spread of nontraditional families and the rise of infertility, "assisted conception" (donor insemination, egg donation, surrogate mothering or any combination of the above) is a big new fact of life. After two decades of counseling "biosocial" families, Ehrensaft, a clinical and developmental psychologist (Parenting Together; Spoiling Childhood), wrote this honest, down-to-earth manual to help parents work through the problems. Just because people are brave enough to create nontraditional families doesn't mean they've anticipated the difficult questions those arrangements raise. Do shared genes give the biological parent more rights than the "social" parent? Is it wrong to have fantasies about sperm donors? How do you decide how much to involve the "birth other" in the "family matrix"? At what age do you tell your child his or her birth story? What do you tell them? Ehrensaft groups the issues thematically with plenty of firsthand anecdotes. An experienced therapist, she acknowledges up front many things we do that we shouldn't: social moms feeling jealous of surrogates, parents hiding the truth from their children, etc. She understands-and then nudges parents in a better direction. This is a terrifically useful book for nontraditional families and everyone (teachers, ministers, therapists) who works with them. (Aug.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.

Preface
1. Beware Gifts Bearing Children
2. The Power to Create, the Fear of Creation
3. Procreation with the Proper Stranger
4. You're Mine . . . or Are You?
5. What's Love Got to Do with It?
6. Should I Tell?
7. When to Tell
8. The Birds and the Bees and the Nice Man or Woman
9. How Do the Children Fare?
10. When Clear Thinking Trumps Anxiety
Resources