Messages » (3)

Matthew McKay, Ph.D., is a professor at the Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. He has authored and coauthored numerous books, including The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, Self-Esteem, Thoughts and Feelings, When Anger Hurts, and ACT on Life Not on Anger. His books combined have sold more than 2.5 million copies. McKay received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology. In private practice, he specializes in the cognitive behavioral treatment of anxiety and depression.

Martha Davis, Ph.D., was a psychologist in the department of psychiatry at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center in Santa Clara, CA, where she practiced individual, couple, and group psychotherapy for more than thirty years prior to her retirement. She is coauthor of Thoughts and Feelings and The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook.

Patrick Fanning is a professional writer in the mental health field. the founder of a men's support group in northern California. He has authored and coauthored of eight self-help books, including Self-Esteem, Thoughts and Feelings, Couple Skills, and When Anger Hurts Your Kids.

The classic, best-selling communication skills book, Messages, helps readers build their communication skills in all areas of life. This guide helps readers become adept in active listening, reading body language, identifying communication styles, conflict resolution, public speaking, and more.

Introduction 1

Part I Basic Skills

1 Listening 5

Real Vs. Pseudo Listening

Blocks to Listening

Assessing Your Listening Blocks

Four Steps to Effective Listening

Total Listening

Listening for Couples

2 Self-Disclosure 24

Rewards of Self-Disclosure

Blocks to Self-Disclosure

Optimal Levels of Self-Disclosure

Assessing Your Self-Disclosure

Practice in Self-Disclosure

3 Expressing 35

The Four Kinds of Expression

Whole Messages

Contaminated Messages

Preparing Your Messages

Practicing Whole Messages

Rules for Effective Expression

Part II Advanced Skills

4 Body Language 59

Body Movements

Spatial Relationships

5 Paralanguage and Metamessages 70

The Elements of Paralanguage

Changing Your Paralanguage

Metamessages

Coping with Metamessages

6 Hidden Agendas 80

The Eight Agendas

Purpose of the Agendas

7 Transactional Analysis 89

Parent, Child, and Adult Messages

Analyzing Your Communications

Kinds of Transactions

Keeping Your Communications Clean

8 Clarifying Language 104

Understanding a Model

Challenging the Limits of a Model

Challenging Distortions in a Model

Some Final

Clarifications

Part III Conflict Skills

9 Assertiveness Training 125

Your Legitimate Rights

Three Communication Styles

Identifying Communication Styles

Your Assertiveness Goals

Assertive Expression

Assertive Listening

Combining Assertive Expression and Listening

Responding to Criticism

Special Assertive Strategies

Assertiveness Skills Practice

10 Fair Fighting 150

Unfair Fighting

Identifying Unfair Fighting Styles

Fair Fighting

Fair Fight Rules

Your Script for Change

11 Validation Strategies 161

What IsValidation?

Why Does Validation Work?

What Validation Is Not

Components of Validation

Successful Validating Strategies

The Power of Validation

12 Negotiation 173

Four Stages of Negotiation

Dealing with Conflict

Rules of Principled Negotiation

When the Going Gets Tough

Part IV Social Skills

13 Prejudgment 191

Prejudgment Traps

Stereotypes

Approval and Disapproval in Prejudgment

Parataxic Distortions

Perpetuating Illusions

Clarifying First Impressions

14 Making Contact 205

Fear of Strangers

Guidelines for Making Contact

The Art of Conversation

Putting It All Together

Part V Family Skills

15 Couples Skills 223

What Makes a Good Relationship?

Schemas

Couples Systems

Keeping Your Relationship Strong

16 Communicating with Children 246

Listening

Expressing

Joint Problem Solving

When to Let Go

When You Have to Say No

The Point Is...

17 Family Communications 265

Family Communication Disorders

Family Pathology

Family Systems

How to Keep Family Communications Healthy

Part VI Public Skills

18 Influencing Others 285

Ineffective Strategies for Influencing Change

Effective Strategies for Influencing Others

Your Plan for Influencing Change

Lisa's Plan for Influencing Change

19 Public Speaking 295

Defining Your Purpose

Outlining the Subject

Presentation

Organization

Audience

Analysis

Style

Supporting Materials

The Outline

Delivery

Dealing with Stage Fright

20 Interviewing 312

Clarifying What You Want

If You Are the Interviewer

If You Are the Interviewee

Conclusion

Recommended Reading 343

References 347

Index 349