Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited » (Revised Printing)

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited and other books about the Narcissistic Personality Disorder and relationships with abusive narcissists and psychopaths.

His books are based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people suffering from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (narcissists) and with thousands of their family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.

Sam is not a mental health professional though he is certified in psychological counseling techniques. He served as the editor of Mental Health Disorders categories in the Open Directory Project and on Mentalhelp.net.

Sam was also the editor of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder topic in Suite101, the moderator of the Narcissistic Abuse List and other abusive relationships mailing, support, and discussion groups (with c. 15000 members).

You are not alone!

Are YOU Abused? Stalked? Harassed? Victimized? Confused and Frightened? Were you brought up by a Narcissistic or Psychopathic Parent? Married to a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or Divorcing One? Afraid your children will turn out to be narcissists or psychopaths? Want to cope with this pernicious, baffling condition?

OR: Are You a Narcissist or a Psychopath - or suspect that You may be one ...

This book will teach you how to Cope, Survive, and Protect Your Loved Ones!

"Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" is based on correspondence since 1996 with hundreds of people diagnosed with Narcissistic and Antisocial Personality Disorders (narcissists and psychopaths) and with thousands of their suffering family members, friends, therapists, and colleagues.

The first ever book about narcissistic abuse, Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Re-Visited offers a detailed, first hand account of what it is like to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It contains new insights and an organized methodological framework. The first part of the book comprises more than 100 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What is a personality disorder? When the personality is rigid to the point of being unable to change in reaction to changing circumstances - we say that it is disordered. Such a person takes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues exclusively from others. His inner world is, so to speak, vacated. His True Self is dilapidated and dysfunctional. Instead he has a tyrannical and delusional False Self. Such a person is incapable of loving and of living. He cannot love others because he cannot love himself. He loves his reflection, his surrogate self. And he is incapable of living because life is a struggle towards, a striving, a drive at something. In other words: life is change. He who cannot change cannot live.

The narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage, instead. The Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the Narcissist does not "love" himself in any true sense of the word.

He feeds off other people, who hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he exists. Otherwise, the narcissist feels, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions.

The posting of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Re-Visited on the Web has elicited a flood of excited, sad and heart rending responses, mostly from victims of Narcissists but also from people suffering from the NPD. This is a true picture of the resulting correspondence with them.

This book is not intended to please or to entertain. NPD is a pernicious, vile and tortuous disease, which affects not only the Narcissist. It infects and forever changes people who are in daily contact with the Narcissist. In other words: it is contagious. It is my contention that Narcissism is the mental epidemic of the twentieth century, a plague to be fought by all means.

This tome is my contribution to minimizing the damages of this disorder.

Inscriptions Magazine - Katherine Theriault

"...This book has an important purpose. I am sure it will be appreciated in a library,classroom or among the mental health profession. "

Foreword
Prologue
Introduction - The Habit of Identity
The Narcissistic Personality Disorder
A Primer on Narcissism and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Bibliography

Frequently Asked Questions
Narcissism - The Disorder
FAQ # 1 - An Overview of the Narcissist
FAQ # 2 - Pathological Narcissism – A Dysfunction or a Blessing?
FAQ # 3 - The Energy of Self
FAQ # 4 - Self-Love and Narcissism
FAQ # 5 - Self-Defeating and Self-Destructive Behaviours
FAQ # 6 - Ideas of Reference
FAQ # 7 - Grandiose Fantasies
FAQ # 8 - Grandiosity Hangover and Narcissist Baiting
FAQ # 9 - Depression and the Narcissist
FAQ # 10 - Narcissistic Rage - Anger as a Source of Personality Disorder
FAQ # 11 - Gender and the Narcissist
FAQ # 12 - Homosexual and Transsexual Narcissists
FAQ # 13 - Addiction to Fame and Celebrity
FAQ # 14 - Conspicuous Existence
FAQ # 15 - The Narcissist's Reaction to Deficient Narcissistic Supply
FAQ # 16 - The Delusional Way Out
FAQ # 17 - The Compulsive Acts of the Narcissist
FAQ # 18 - Narcissistic Routines
FAQ # 19 - The Unstable Narcissist
FAQ # 20 - Do Narcissists Have Emotions?
FAQ # 21 - The Inappropriate Affect
FAQ # 22 - The Ubiquitous Narcissist
FAQ # 23 - The Narcissist as a Sadist
FAQ # 24 - Other People's Pain
FAQ # 25 - The Psychology of Torture
FAQ # 26 - Multiple Grandiosity
FAQ # 27 - False Modesty
FAQ # 28 - Warped Reality and Retroactive Emotional Content
FAQ # 29 - Narcissistic Signal, Stimulus and Hibernation Mini-Cycles
FAQ # 30 - The Narcissistic Pendulum and the Pathological Narcissistic Space
FAQ # 31 - The Inanimate as a Source of Narcissistic Supply - Narcissistic Branding and Narcissistic Contagion
FAQ # 32 - The Dual Role of the False Self
FAQ # 33 - The Stripped Ego
FAQ # 34 - The Split-off Ego
FAQ # 35 - The Serious Narcissist
FAQ # 36 - Narcissists, Disagreements and Criticism
FAQ # 37 - Transformations of Aggression
FAQ # 38 - Narcissistic Humiliation
FAQ # 39 - The Midlife Narcissist
FAQ # 40 - To Age with Grace
FAQ # 41 - The Narcissist and Introspection
FAQ # 42 - The Losses of the Narcissist
FAQ # 43 - Getting Better
FAQ # 44 - Can a Narcissist Help Himself?
FAQ # 45 - Reconditioning the Narcissist
FAQ # 46 - Treatment Modalities and Therapies
FAQ # 47 - Narcissistic Mirroring
FAQ # 48 - The Development of the Narcissist
FAQ # 49 - The Narcissist's Mother
FAQ # 50 - The Inverted Narcissist
FAQ # 51 - Narcissists, Inverted Narcissists and Schizoids
FAQ # 52 - Narcissists, Medications and Chemical Imbalances
FAQ # 53 - Myths about Narcissism
FAQ # 54 - The Selfish Gene – The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism
FAQ # 55 - Narcissism – The Psychopathological Default
FAQ # 56 - Narcissism, Other Mental Health Disorders, Substance Abuse, and Reckless Behaviours
(Co-Morbidity and Dual Diagnosis)
FAQ # 57 - Eating Disorders and the Narcissist
FAQ # 58 - Can the Narcissist Have a Meaningful Life?
FAQ # 59 - A Case Study of an Adolescent Narcissist
FAQ # 60 - The Narcissist's Reaction to This Text

Narcissism and Society
FAQ # 61 - A Dream Interpreted
FAQ # 62 - How to Recognise a Narcissist?
FAQ # 63 - Interacting with a Narcissist
FAQ # 64 - The Weapon of Language
FAQ # 65 - Exploitation by a Narcissist
FAQ # 66 - The Narcissist's Victims
FAQ # 67 - Narcissism by Proxy
FAQ # 68 - Facilitating Narcissism
FAQ # 69 - Narcissists in Positions of Authority
FAQ # 70 - For the Love of God
FAQ # 71 - The Narcissist and Social Institutions
FAQ # 72 - Collective Narcissism – Narcissism, Culture and Society
FAQ # 73 - The Narcissists in Court
FAQ # 74 - The Narcissist in the Workplace
FAQ # 75 - Responsibility and Other Matters
FAQ # 76 - The Accountable Narcissist
FAQ # 77 - Crime and Punishment: The Never Repenting Narcissist
FAQ # 78 - Narcissists, Group Behaviour and Terrorism
FAQ # 79 - Is the Narcissist Ever Sorry?
FAQ # 80 - A Letter about Trust
FAQ # 81 - Traumas as Social Interactions
FAQ # 82 - The Guilt of Others
FAQ # 83 - Narcissistic Confinement
FAQ # 84 - Narcissistic Allocation
FAQ # 85 - Narcissistic Immunity
FAQ # 86 - Narcissists, Love and Healing
FAQ # 87 - Vindictive Narcissists
FAQ # 88 - Narcissists as Mass and Serial Killers
FAQ # 89 - Narcissists, Narcissistic Supply and Sources of Supply

Narcissists and Family
FAQ # 90 - How to Cope with a Narcissist?
FAQ # 91 - Narcissists and Women
FAQ # 92 - The Spouse/Mate/Partner of the Narcissist
FAQ # 93 - Investing in a Narcissist
FAQ # 94 - The Double Reflection - Narcissistic Couples and Narcissistic Types
FAQ # 95 - Narcissistic Parents
FAQ # 96 - Narcissists and Children
FAQ # 97 - The Narcissist and His Family
FAQ # 98 - Narcissists, Sex and Fidelity – The Somatic and the Cerebral Narcissist
FAQ # 99 - The Extra-Marital Narcissist
FAQ # 100 - Mourning the Narcissist
FAQ # 101 - Surviving the Narcissist
FAQ # 102 - The Dead Parents

Guide to Coping with Your Abuser

The Mind of the Narcissist
Chapter One - The Soul of a Narcissist – The State of the Art
Chapter Two - Being Special
Chapter Three - Uniqueness and Intimacy
Chapter Four - The Workings of a Narcissist – A Phenomenology
Chapter Five - The Tortured Self – The Inner World of the Narcissist
Chapter Six - The Emotional Involvement Preventive Measures