Love First 2nd Edition: A Family's Guide to Intervention » (Revised & Expanded)

Jeff Jay is a nationally recognized leader in intervention who has been helping addicted families since 1986. His work has been noted by CNN, PBS and USA Today.

He has served as president of the Terry McGovern Foundation in Washington, D.C., and on the board of the directors for several professional organziations. Jay is also the co-author of At Wits End: What You Need to Know When a Loved One is Diagnosed with Addiction and Mental Illness (Hazelden).

Debra Jay is a noted columnist, lecturer and nationally known interventionist who specializes in chemically depdendent older adults. A frequent guest expert on the Oprah Winfrey Show, she is the author of several books, including No More Letting Go: The Spirituality of Taking Action Against Alcoholism and Drug Addiction and Addiction: Helping Older Adults Overcome Alcohol or Medication Dependence (Hazelden).

The top-selling book on intervention, Love First has helped tens of thousands of families, friends, and professionals create a loving and effective plan for helping those who suffer from addiction. Dispelling two damaging myths—that an addict has to hit bottom and that intervention must be confrontational—Jeff and Debra Jay's proven approach puts love first and shows families, step by step, what to do.

This new and updated edition adds to the core material in the Jays' classic book— identifying enabling behaviors, building the team, writing an intervention letter, choosing a treatment center—with the most up-to-date scientific information and intervention techniques available. New chapters on psychiatric, gambling, eating, and other disorders give family members and other concerned people the knowledge and tools to face the important people in their lives who are dealing with a range of self-destructive illnesses. New material on meeting the specific needs of adolescents, aging adults, and professionals is also included.

Foreword George McGovern xi Preface xiii Acknowledgments xvii Note to the Reader xix Section 1 Insights into Alcoholism and Other Drug Addictions 1 Love First 3 What Does It Take to Get an Alcoholic or Addict to Accept Help? 6 Are You Barking Up the Wrong Tree? 9 When You and the Alcoholic Are Speaking Different Languages 11 When Keeping You Off Balance Is a Good Thing for an Alcoholic or Addict 13 What Science Has Learned about the Genetics of Addiction 18 The Addicted Brain 24 Eleven Misconceptions about Chemical Dependency 29 Section 2 Understanding Family Responses 33 Good Intentions Can Take You Down the Wrong Road 35 Combine Love with Denial and You Have Innocent Enabling 38 Combine Reality with Fear and You Have Desperate Enabling 42 What Are the "Rewards" of Enabling? 47 Detachment: A New Recipe 51 Are You Seeing the Addict as a Bad Person or as a Sick Person? 54 Using the Power of the Group 58 Section 3 Preparing for an Intervention 63 Building a Team 65 A Few Things to Consider before Picking Up the Phone 71 Involving Doctors and Other Professionals 75 Involving the Workplace 80 Finalizing Your Team 84 Becoming Aware of the Influence of the Group 87 Understanding the Role of Leverage 89 What Do You Need to Know? 96 Using the Planner 98 Keeping Tabs on Your Progress 103 Calling Treatment Centers and Asking Questions 105 Choosing a Date and Time 107 Choosing a Place 111 Selecting a Chairperson 115 Do You Need a Professional Interventionist? 118 Choosing Inpatient over Outpatient Treatment 121 Finding Low-Cost or No-Cost Treatment 123 Writing a Letter to Your Addicted Loved One 126 Letters Written for Real Interventions 135 Your Bottom Line 140 Section 4 The Intervention 147Listing Possible Objections and Your Answers 149 Rehearsing the Intervention 155 Some Thoughts for Intervention Day 160 Notes for the Chairperson 163 Making Team Decisions 167 Intervening on an Adolescent 170 Intervening on Someone Over Age Fifty-five 176 What an Intervention Looks Like 184 Intervention: A Portrayal 186 A Different Ending 194 Helping without a Family Intervention 200 Executive-Style Intervention 203 Section 5 After the Intervention 209 Talking to People Who Did Not Take Part in the Intervention 211 Sending Your Intervention Letters to the Counselor 214 Understanding What Goes On during Treatment 217 Preparing for Objections during Treatment 224 Supporting the Alcoholic or Addict during Treatment 228 Your First Al-Anon Meeting 231 A Few Words about Alcoholics Anonymous 235 Preparing for the Possibility of Relapse 238 Using Family Intervention for Other Problems 243 An Instrument of Love 257 Section 6 Tools and Resources 259 Tools 259 Building a Team 261 The Planner 262 The Checklist 271 Enabling Behaviors 274 Evaluating Treatment Centers 276 Objections and Answers 279 Bottom Lines 284 Family and Friends Commitment Statement 287 Self-Quizzes 289 Quiz: Is a Family Member Chemically Dependent? 290 Quiz: Signs of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse in Older People 292 Quiz: Is Our Teen Chemically Dependent? 294 Quiz: Signs of Inhalant Use in Our Teen 296 Quiz: Are You Troubled by Someone's Drinking? 298 The Jellinek Curve 300 Resources 301 Web Sites 301 Books and Publications 303 Twelve Step Organizations 304 Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers 306 Low-Cost Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers 309 Alcohol and Drug Treatment Centers for Special Populations 312 Help Lines 317 Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous 318 Index 319 About the Authors 331