Little Book of Big Excuses: More Strategies and Techniques for Faking It »

Of primary importance: Fake, don't flake. If you're not going to show up anywhere-work, school, family parties-for any reason-have a good excuse at hand. Note bene (which is Latin for "pay attention people"): Bad excuses, or worse, no excuse at all, hurt the feelings of those you love and are otherwise beholden to. Step up to the plate, take a few practice runs at the Excuse Clinics, and you'll be able to explain just about gosh darn anything. "Excuses-Moi, s'il vous plait" is where to look when you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything.

Learn the art, of "I'd love to but..."-the art of articulating just why you can't do most anything you don't want to-in any language. Demonstrate your incompetence. Show up half an hour late for a dinner party, with half the ingredients for the hors d'oeuvres your host requested. And what they say is true: "All's Fair in Love" includes some pretty outrageous reasons for not calling, going on a second date, or showing up at the altar. So embrace your inner escape artist and weasel out of the confines of daily drudgery. Go ahead, pick up the dry cleaning, and then put it back down. It's heavy, sheesh!

Stretching the Truth     1
Fake, Don't Flake: Excuses for Not Showing Up     17
Try This at Home: Household Excuses     37
Excusez-Moi, S'il Vous Plait: Excuses for Social Occasions     53
Delivery Subsystem Failure: Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!     71
Get Out of It: Crimes and Misdemeanors and Other Crap     81
I'd Love to But...     99
All's Fair In LOVE     117
The Little Chapter of Big Buts: Or, Excuses We Tell Ourselves     135