How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them - A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide »

Writer and editor Howard Mittelmark's book reviews and essays have appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, Philadelphia Inquirer, Hollywood Reporter, Writer's Digest, and other publications. He is the author of the novel Age of Consent.

"What do you think of my fiction book writing?" the aspiring novelist extorted.

"Darn," the editor hectored, in turn. "I can not publish your novel! It is full of what we in the business call 'really awful writing.'"

"But how shall I absolve this dilemma? I have already read every tome available on how to write well and get published!" The writer tossed his head about, wildly.

"It might help," opined the blonde editor, helpfully, "to ponder how NOT to write a novel, so you might avoid the very thing!"

Many writing books offer sound advice on how to write well. This is not one of those books. On the contrary, this is a collection of terrible, awkward, and laughably unreadable excerpts that will teach you what to avoid—at all costs—if you ever want your novel published.

In How Not to Write a Novel, authors Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman distill their 30 years combined experience in teaching, editing, writing, and reviewing fiction to bring you real advice from the other side of the query letter. Rather than telling you how or what to write, they identify the 200 most common mistakes unconsciously made by writers and teach you to recognize, avoid, and amend them. With hilarious "mis-examples" to demonstrate each manuscript-mangling error, they'll help you troubleshoot your beginnings and endings, bad guys, love interests, style, jokes, perspective, voice, and more. As funny as it is useful, this essential how-NOT-to guide will help you get your manuscript out of the slush pile and into the bookstore.

The Independent

“Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark have produced an invaluable guide.”

Introduction     v
Plot     1
Beginnings and Setups     5
Complications and Pacing     21
Endings     41
Character     53
Character Essentials     55
Getting to Know Your Hero     61
Sidekicks and Significant Others     71
Bad Guys     85
Style-The Basics     99
Words and Phrases     101
Sentences and Paragraphs     113
Dialogue     131
Style-Perspective and Voice     153
Narrative Stance     155
Interior Monologue     173
The World of the Bad Novel     187
Setting     191
Research and Historical Background     199
Theme     211
Special Effects and Novelty Acts-Do Not Try this at Home     225
How Not to Sell a Novel     239
Afterword     257
Index     259
About the Authors     263