Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say » (Revised)

Nance Guilmartin is a four-time regional Emmy award-winning broadcast journalist, business advisor, and community service advocate. As a Westinghouse Broadcasting senior executive, she helped launch national awareness initiatives, including the Designated Driver Program and the For Kids' Sake and Time To Care campaigns. Prior to her television career, she served as press secretary to the late U.S. Senator Paul Tsongas. Her listening skills developed as a young news writer at CBS radio in Boston. Today she challenges organizations and executives to achieve breakthroughs and unlock hidden opportunities.

A friend is laid off. A colleague calls to tell you she's getting a divorce. A parent gets his medical test results back - he has cancer. Your neighbors are moving and you can't bear to see them leave. What do you say? How do you offer support in a difficult situation? And, if you are having a rough time, how do you seek the comfort you need?

Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say enables us to provide or ask for a new level of support as we face life's inevitable challenges, transitions and losses--at work, at home and in our community. Readers say the book is a comprehensive guide to giving and receiving comfort. The book is a "communications first aid kit" offering guidelines and practical tools that enable us to respond to difficult situations where we might initially feel unprepared to be of much help. Through real-life stories about illness, job changes, troubled colleagues and customers, broken relationships, aging, death and dying, the book gives readers the chance to walk in someone else's shoes.

Acknowledging that most of us want to offer a quick solution to any problem, the author explains the importance of listening - a rare skill that most of us never learned - pausing, and trying to understand before offering words of consolation or advice. "The art of speaking is not just knowing the right thing to say at the right time, but also not saying the wrong thing at the tempting time," she writes. "When we pause even briefly, it helps us tune out the internal conversations that may drive us to move too quickly into action."

Booknews

A public relations veteran from business, television, and politics, Guilmartin offers true stories to help readers learn to step into the shoes of someone in pain or discomfort and help them shed new light on their problem. Annotation c. Book News, Inc., Portland, OR (booknews.com)

An Invitation To Healing Conversations

Getting Started…Supporting others without fixing, rescuing or judging

When You Need A Friend
Please, Don't Ask Me How I Am, Unless.......Beginning a healing conversation
Using The Rule of Six..............................................................Asking for help
Just Listen..........................................................................After a sudden loss
Rediscovering Empathy.....................What comforts you may not comfort them
It'll Be OK, Sugarplum...............................Being a light at the end of the tunnel
Mommy, Will He Be OK?...............Helping children face their fears and yours
Asking One Friend To Help Another..................When you don't have answers
Unexpected Gifts..............................................Accepting help from a stranger
Before and After The Move.......................Emotional attics and new roadmaps
It's Not What You Think..................................The hidden hurts of bankruptcy
Who Am I If I'm Not Who I Was?..........................After a life-changing event
It's Over............................................................................A relationship ends
Reflection: Tuning out of your head, tuning in to your heart

Health Matters
Test Results...............................................Getting the news or waiting to hear
Peaceful Warrior..........................When you want to help deal with a diagnosis
Facing Surgery...........................................................Before, during, and after
Just How Do You Ask For Help?............................Making your own wish list
Paciencia...............................................................Recovering from depression
Is The Doctor In?........Making the most of your time as a patient or as a doctor
What's The Difference Between A Cure And Healing?..Living with chronic pain
What About Me?.......................................................Supporting the caregiver
Second Sight............................................When a disability becomes an ability
When The Bough Breaks...................................When you can't see their pain
The Bear........................................................................................Close calls
After The Accident.....................................................................Fears remain
A Cry For Help.............................................Responding to attempted suicide
Reflection: How to be with someone who's in pain

Healing Conversations At Work
You People Are Incompetent!..............Turning angry customers into loyal fans
When Staff Don't Get Along..........................................The power of listening
Trading Places...........Helping a colleague pause before jumping to conclusions
You Must Be Kidding!.............................Giving and getting difficult feedback
Plant Closings And Pink Slips.........Taking away their jobs but not their dignity
Trapezes........................................................Being laid off, fired, or acquired
Bad News At The Office.....................................Crossing invisible boundaries
Celebrating Life...................Asking a coworker for help with a family dilemma
I Just Wanted To Let You Know I Cared....................Consoling an employee
Honoring Paul Tsongas....................Coping with death in the workplace family
Notes To Keep a Memory Alive..................................A letter to the children
Reflection: Maybe it is my job…Intentional Kindness

Transitions: Heart, Mind, Body and Soul
We're Getting Divorced.................Appreciating what you may not understand
Be a Friend, Not A Hero...................Helping someone deal with verbal abuse
I Don't Want to Be A Burden.........................Supporting the widowed spouse
Splinters, Mice, and Little Things..........When someone is learning to live alone
Broken Hearts and Burnt Offerings..........When a gift offers a reservoir of care
What Is Enough?....................................................Retirement as a way of life
What Happens When You Show Up For Class?............Lessons from an elder
I Know Her Name.......................................................Living with Alzheimer's
The Long Goodbye..................................................When death takes its time
He Knows He's About to Die..................................Visiting a friend in hospice
Anniversaries Of Loss.............................................Special dates to remember
Reflection: Being with their silence-and yours

Lost Loves
Leo the Cat.............................................Putting a "four footed angel" to sleep
When You Don't Get the Chance to Say Goodbye.............Unfinished feelings
It's A Blessing, Really.............................................When a death brings relief
Take A Friend To Lunch..................................................Writing the obituary
Oh, Damn! Did Anybody Bring A Knife?...............................Scattering ashes
Best-Laid Plans...................When last wishes clash with the needs of the living
When Mom Leaves.................................................................A gift of poetry
After The Funeral.....................Appreciating behind-the-scenes responsibilities
When A Young Child Dies..............................A parent's bewilderment lingers
Frail Submarines.............................................When someone chooses suicide
When Tragedy Inspires Action..........................Responding to a sudden death
Grief Unburied...........................................................Sorrow returns in waves
Perhaps......................................................................Is this heaven on earth?
Sometimes There Are No Words

In The End
Healing Takes Time

Appreciations
Resources
Subject Index