Gone to the Crazies: A Memoir » (Reprint)

Alison Weaver is copublisher of the literary journal H.O.W., the proceeds of which go to needy orphans worldwide. Her work has appeared in Small Spiral Notebook, Opium magazine, Red China, and the Fifth Street Review.

Alison Weaver's privileged upbringing hid the darker undertones of her childhood until her parents shipped her away, at fifteen, to the cultish Cascade School, warping her perception of reality. Upon graduation, set adrift in New York's East Village in the 1990s, her life began a downward spiral marked by needles and late-night parties. Stumbling into free fall and mingling with fears of death, she was forced to face her darkness. Here is Weaver's thoughtful exploration of what it means to fight for identity and equilibrium.

Prologue     1
Further Testing Needed
My Mother's Helpers     15
Unreadiness and Inappropriate Behavior     18
Miss Manners     23
Mom Wears Toilet Water     31
Gone to the Crazies     37
Ice Cream     45
Only Red     50
Thugs in Brooks Brothers     54
Not Even a Little Bit Sad     64
They will Run Our Lives
A New Family     81
Forums     88
A Split Contract     95
The Truth     104
Lowest Form of Life     112
Nothing to Talk About     121
Good Intentions     126
Betrayal     135
The Promise of a Better Me     139
The I and Me     145
Home Visit     151
The Convert Returns     163
Like Flowers Need the Rain     171
I Am a Trusting and Honest Woman     177
Such Desperate, Dirty People
The White Rabbit Returns     189
Decline     193
Xers     199
Close Enough to Love     206
This Is to Mother You     208
Desperation     214
Because They Were Real     222
A Mother's Womb     226
Cascade Survivors     233
Happy Turkey Day to You, Too     237
Currently     243
Acknowledgments     247