Authors: Wendy Northcutt, Wendy Nothcutt
ISBN-13: 9780452283442, ISBN-10: 0452283442
Format: Paperback
Publisher: Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated
Date Published: April 2002
Edition: Reprint
A graduate of UC-Berkeley with a degree in molecular biology, Wendy Northcutt started collecting the stories that make up the Darwin Awards in 1993, and she founded the Web site soon thereafter. She has been profiled in Salon.com and USA Today, and now divides her time between managing the website and working as an Internet consultant. The Darwin Awards Web site has received awards from Yahoo!, USA Today, and the BBC.
"Only two things are infinite-the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not so sure about the universe." -Albert Einstein
Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, The Darwin Awards vividly portrays the finest examples of evolution in action, and shows us just how uncommon common sense can be.
Marvel at the thief who steals electrical wires without shutting off the current. Gape at the lawnchair jockey who floats to a height of 16,000 feet suspended by helium balloons. Learn from the man who peers into a gasoline can using a cigarette lighter. All three and many more contend for Darwin Awards when their choices culminate in magnificent misadventures.
These tales of trial and awe-inspiring errorverified by the author and endorsed by website readersillustrate the ongoing saga of survival of the fittest in all its selective glory.
The Darwin Awards is a riot to read. Deeply entertaining.
The Darwin Awards: What are they? | 1 | |
Survival of the Fittest | 1 | |
Rules and Eligibility | 2 | |
Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution | 7 | |
Uncommon Common Sense | 11 | |
History and Internet Culture | 13 | |
Advice on Reading the Stories | 15 | |
Chapter 1 | Natural Selection: Animal Misadventures | 17 |
Can Animals Win Darwin Awards? | 17 | |
Darwin Award: In a Pig's Eye | 21 | |
Darwin Award: Killer Whale Rodeo | 23 | |
Darwin Award: Playing with Cats | 26 | |
Darwin Award: Hungry Python Kills Owner | 27 | |
Darwin Award: Poisonous Pets | 29 | |
Darwin Award: Snake Charmer? | 30 | |
Darwin Award: Burmese Python | 32 | |
Darwin Award: What's New, Pussycat? | 33 | |
Darwin Award: Wild Animal Lesson | 34 | |
Darwin Award: Smarter Animals | 36 | |
Darwin Award: Running of the Bulls | 37 | |
Darwin Award: Silenced by the Lambs | 38 | |
Darwin Award: Human Hitching Post | 39 | |
Honorable Mention: Nine Times a Loser | 41 | |
Honorable Mention: Revenge of the Gopher | 42 | |
Honorable Mention: Woman Disarmed by Tiger | 43 | |
Honorable Mention: Don't Mess with Mama Bear | 45 | |
Urban Legend: Man Glued to Rhino Buttocks | 46 | |
Personal Account: Bug Repellent | 48 | |
Personal Account: Why Kids Leave the Farm | 50 | |
Chapter 2 | Relatively Dangerous: A Family Affair | 51 |
Children and Evolution | 51 | |
Darwin Award: Go, Speed Racer, Go | 54 | |
Darwin Award: Wife Tossing in Buenos Aires | 56 | |
Darwin Award: Count Your Chickens | 57 | |
Darwin Award: Father Knows Best | 58 | |
Darwin Award: Laughing Gas | 60 | |
Darwin Award: Murderous Affair | 61 | |
Darwin Award: Avoiding a Fight | 63 | |
Darwin Award: Maine Chainsaw Romance | 64 | |
Honorable Mention: Trash Compactor | 66 | |
Honorable Mention: Darwin Your Bratty Kids | 67 | |
Urban Legend: Missionary Miscalculation | 68 | |
Personal Account: Accidental Safe Sex | 69 | |
Personal Account: Wives with Chloroform | 70 | |
Chapter 3 | "I Fought the Law ...": Stupid Criminal Tricks | 71 |
If Evolution Works, Why So Many Idiots? | 71 | |
Darwin Award: Junk Food Junkie | 74 | |
Darwin Award: Copper Caper | 75 | |
Darwin Award: Good Trumps Evil at Church | 76 | |
Darwin Award: Jumping Jack Cash | 77 | |
Darwin Award: Tired of It All | 78 | |
Darwin Award: Modus Operandi Misfires | 79 | |
Darwin Award: Restaurant Thief | 80 | |
Darwin Award: Dum Dum Boutique | 81 | |
Darwin Award: Scrap Metal Thieves | 82 | |
Darwin Award: Wrong Time, Wrong Place | 83 | |
Darwin Award: Clumsy Canadian Burglar | 84 | |
Darwin Award: Escaping Conviction | 85 | |
Darwin Award: Rob Your Neighbor | 86 | |
Honorable Mention: Pick Your Target | 88 | |
Honorable Mention: Armed and Dangerous? | 89 | |
Honorable Mention: Poor Sense of Direction | 90 | |
Honorable Mention: Airbag Weapons | 91 | |
Honorable Mention: Mis-Steak | 92 | |
Honorable Mention: Wile E. Coyote of Burglars | 93 | |
Honorable Mention: Limo and Latte Burglar | 94 | |
Honorable Mention: Spare Some Change? | 95 | |
Honorable Mention: Three Times a Loser | 96 | |
Honorable Mention: Sunny Side Up | 97 | |
Honorable Mention: Official Drug Test | 98 | |
Honorable Mention: Klutzy Crook | 99 | |
Personal Account: Compacted Ignorance | 100 | |
Personal Account: Gangster Blues | 102 | |
Chapter 4 | Up in Smoke: Fire and Explosions | 103 |
Awards for Priests and Gays? | 103 | |
Darwin Award: Living on Zionist Time | 106 | |
Darwin Award: Firefighters Ignite! | 107 | |
Darwin Award: Igniting Fireworks the Easy Way | 108 | |
Darwin Award: Justice Is Served | 109 | |
Darwin Award: No Smoking? Ha! | 110 | |
Darwin Award: Dynamite and Boats Don't Mix | 112 | |
Darwin Award: Up in Smoke | 113 | |
Darwin Award: Cigarette Lighter Triggers Fatal Explosion | 115 | |
Darwin Award: Lights Out | 116 | |
Honorable Mention: Chimney Safety | 118 | |
Honorable Mention: I Just Flicked My Bic! | 119 | |
Urban Legend: Scuba Divers and Forest Fires | 120 | |
Urban Legend: Cow Bomb | 122 | |
Urban Legend: Raccoon Rocket | 123 | |
Urban Legend: Hydrogen Beer Disaster | 125 | |
Urban Legend: Cell Phone Destroys Gas Station | 128 | |
Personal Account: Elemental Mistake | 129 | |
Personal Account: Is It Loaded? | 130 | |
Personal Account: Final Flick of Bic | 131 | |
Chapter 5 | Leaps of Faith: Fatal Falls | 133 |
John F. Kennedy Jr. | 133 | |
Darwin Award: Don't Drink and Fly | 138 | |
Darwin Award: Lawyer Aloft | 140 | |
Darwin Award: Stoned Sleep | 141 | |
Darwin Award: Homegrown Parachute | 142 | |
Darwin Award: Yosemite Parachute Safety | 145 | |
Darwin Award: Shocking Fall | 147 | |
Darwin Award: Bungee Jumper | 148 | |
Darwin Award: Bridge Bonzai | 149 | |
Darwin Award: One for the Birds | 150 | |
Personal Account: Leap of Faith | 151 | |
Personal Account: One, Two, Three, Heave! | 153 | |
Urban Legend: Misadventure at the Metallica Concert | 155 | |
Urban Legend: Power Plant Fitness Freak | 158 | |
Personal Account: Leveled | 160 | |
Chapter 6 | Military Intelligence: Uninformed Men | 161 |
Historical Darwin Awards | 161 | |
Darwin Award: Intelligence Blunders | 164 | |
Darwin Award: Hanging Around Jail | 165 | |
Darwin Award: Peeper Plummets | 166 | |
Darwin Award: Dead Spitter | 167 | |
Darwin Award: New Dating Technique | 168 | |
Darwin Award: Resistance Is Futile | 169 | |
Darwin Award: Wait for Me! | 170 | |
Personal Account: Industrious Brain-Dead Private | 172 | |
Personal Account: 5 Soldiers, 6 Police, 0 Brains | 174 | |
Personal Account: Jet Ski Jock | 176 | |
Personal Account: North Pacific Deckpecker | 178 | |
Personal Account: Flack Vest Testing | 180 | |
Chapter 7 | Testosterone Poisoning: Macho Men | 181 |
The Issue of Offspring | 181 | |
Darwin Award: JATO | 184 | |
Darwin Award: Fatal Footsie | 186 | |
Darwin Award: Guy Gulps Goldfish | 187 | |
Darwin Award: Dry Spell | 188 | |
Darwin Award: Sequined Pastie | 191 | |
Darwin Award: Gun Safety Training | 192 | |
Darwin Award: The Winner Gets ... A Postmortem | 193 | |
Darwin Award: I'm a Man, I Can Handle It | 195 | |
Darwin Award: William Tell Overture | 196 | |
Darwin Award: Sink the Cue Ball | 197 | |
Darwin Award: Repairs on the Road | 199 | |
Honorable Mention: Right Tool for the Right Job | 200 | |
Honorable Mention: Kiss Bites Back | 201 | |
Urban Legend: The Dog and the Jeep | 203 | |
Personal Account: One Cool Dude | 206 | |
Personal Account: Out of Their Heads | 209 | |
Personal Account: Round Lake Shortcut | 210 | |
Darwin Award: Chute Boy | 212 | |
Chapter 8 | Dangerous Liaisons: Unsafe Sex | 213 |
Evolutionary Hall of Shame | 213 | |
Darwin Award: Love Crushed Sex | 215 | |
Darwin Award: Baby, You Drive Me Crazy | 216 | |
Darwin Award: Sex and Suffocation | 217 | |
Darwin Award: Fatal Flasher | 218 | |
Honorable Mention: Chimney Manners | 219 | |
Honorable Mention: Betrayal of Trussed | 220 | |
Urban Legend: Lightning Date | 222 | |
Urban Legend: Gerbil Rocket | 224 | |
Urban Legend: Hedonist Air Pumpers | 225 | |
Urban Legend: Romeo and Juliet? | 227 | |
Chapter 9 | Davey Jones' Locker: Watery Demise | 229 |
Divergent Evolution | 229 | |
Darwin Award: Hurricane Hangover | 232 | |
Darwin Award: Gone Fishin' | 233 | |
Darwin Award: Polar Bear Swim | 234 | |
Darwin Award: Crappy Driving Award | 236 | |
Darwin Award: Can Duck Shooters Swim? | 237 | |
Darwin Award: Yosemite Hike | 239 | |
Darwin Award: Wet Will He | 240 | |
Darwin Award: Hard Work Rewards | 241 | |
Honorable Mention: Loch Ness Monster | 242 | |
Urban Legend: Darwin Beach Death | 243 | |
Personal Account: Quarry Story | 245 | |
Personal Account: The Iceman Exiteth | 248 | |
Personal Account: Rub Dub Dub, Men in a Tub | 249 | |
Personal Account: Surprise Flush | 250 | |
Personal Account: Tide-ally Impaired | 252 | |
Chapter 10 | Man's Favorite Toy: Penis Envy | 253 |
Losing the Family Jewels | 253 | |
Honorable Mention: Zany New Zealand Contest | 256 | |
Honorable Mention: Mr. Happy's Vacuum | 258 | |
Darwin Award: Priapism Takes a Penis | 260 | |
Darwin Award: Man Slices Off Penis | 262 | |
Darwin Award: Love from the Heart | 264 | |
Honorable Mention: Scoutmaster Snare | 265 | |
Honorable Mention: Scrotum Self-Repair | 266 | |
Honorable Mention: Horse Drug Experiment | 268 | |
Urban Legend: Frog Giggin' Accident in Arkansas | 269 | |
Personal Account: Jump Rope Blues | 271 | |
Personal Account: Disco Dork | 273 | |
Personal Account: Bridge Bowling | 274 | |
Personal Account: Pissing into the Wind | 276 | |
Chapter 11 | Foolish Ingenuity: End of the Line | 277 |
Evolution in Action | 277 | |
Honorable Mention: Lawnchair Larry | 280 | |
Darwin Award: The Last Supper | 283 | |
Darwin Award: Ultimate Price for Smelling Nice | 285 | |
Darwin Award: Midnight Special | 287 | |
Darwin Award: Deadly Reading Habits | 288 | |
Darwin Award: Breatharianism | 289 | |
Darwin Award: Roller Coaster | 291 | |
Darwin Award: Mental Eclipse | 292 | |
Darwin Award: No Bike Lane at the Airport | 293 | |
Darwin Award: The Bumbershoot | 294 | |
Darwin Award: Lemmings in a Well | 295 | |
Darwin Award: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow | 296 | |
Darwin Award: Death of Dracula | 298 | |
Darwin Award: The Daily Grind | 299 | |
Urban Legend: Christmas Roast | 300 | |
Urban Legend: The Laundry Was Clean ... | 301 | |
Urban Legend: Unfortunate Husband | 303 | |
Urban Legend: Overkill | 306 | |
Personal Account: Team Spirit | 307 | |
Personal Account: Cleaning the Head | 308 | |
Appendices | 309 | |
I. | Website Biography | 309 |
II. | Darwin Haiku | 311 |
III. | Author Biography | 312 |
Story Index | 313 |