Down the River: or Practical Lessons Under The Code Duello » (2)

This delightful divertissement is a lampoon of dueling culture set in southeastern Alabama, penned by a cousin of the better known humorist Johnson Jones Hooper. Interestingly George W. Hooper did not identify himself as the author, perhaps for fear that some enterprising duelist would decide he had been personally lampooned and take umbrage.

 

The main character is a figure familiar in outline to readers of John Gorman Barr, J. J. Hooper, Joseph G. Baldwin, and other practitioners of what is known as the humor of the Old Southwest. This tetchy blowhard is able to find a personal slight in every social circumstance of the most casual nature, to determine the only resolution that could preserve his personal honor is a duel, and then to find elaborate reasons why the affair d’honneur must be postponed indefinitely. The protagonist is accompanied by a Watson-like admirer of comparable wooden-headedness, who admiringly keeps track of all this punctilio—and constantly just barely avoids offending his patron at every turn.

 

The work ends with the provisions of the real “Code Duello,” which cede nothing to the fiction in sheer ridiculousness.

Colonel Hurd Explains     9
Lightning Pursuit     11
Major Woodson meets Colonel Lofty     14
Hercules Diogenes Lofty, M. D.-His Figure, Dress and Bow     16
Major Woodson's First Note     19
Private Drilling for the Campaign     24
Major Woodson's Second Note successfully delivered     26
As to the Proceedings preceding the Preliminary Correspondence in an Affair of Honor     31
Colonel Lofty's Reply, his Whiskey and his Easy-Chair     38
An Unesplainable Insult. Another Duel on Tapis     46
The Midnight Duel     54
A Conflict between the Code of Honor and the Civil Code     62
Preparations for Departure     69
We start Down the River     76
Doctor King gives Comfort and obtains a Valuable Acquisition     79
At Eufaula     83
What Rumor said     86
It is demonstrated that Rumor cannot always be relied upon     88
Interviews between Doctor King and Colonel Lofty     91
A Drink of Claret, and what it led to     97
Neil's Landing     101
As to whether an Intermediate Note should be delivered     106
Doctor King searches for a Drink     111
Colonel Lofty'sOpinion of the Press     113
More about the Slide     119
The Intermediate Note Question     124
At Opelika     127
Colonel Lofty's Card     132
Colonel Lofty opens a Correspondence with Colonel Hurd     135
Colonel Lofty's Correspondence with Colonel Strong     140
Major Woodson selects a Second     144
Colonel Lofty writes to Colonel Hurd     149
Mr. Hardy meets Colonel Lofty     154
At the Ruby     165
Correspondence between Colonel Lofty and Colonel Hurd progresses     171
Correspondence between Colonel Lofty and Mr. Hardy     177
Colonel Hurd refuses to receive a Note from Colonel Lofty     181
Mr. Hardy, from his sick bed, continues to correspond with Colonel Lofty     184
A Masterly Manoeuvre     188
Comments of the Press     194
Colonel Lofty visits Opelika     200
Colonel Lofty visits Columbus.-Comments of the Press. - Report of the Night Police     207
Correspondence between Colonel Lofty and Colonel Hurd     215
Colonel Lofty proposes a Partnership     224
Postscript     231
Appendix
The American Code     235
Code of Dueling Established in France      250
The Irish Code     262
Certificates     268