Ditch That Jerk: Dealing with Men Who Control and Abuse Women »

Neither weighed down by research nor weightless with airy promises, Ditch That Jerk is a gritty, honest, and most of all experienced view of physical and emotional abusers and their effect on victims. Engagingly written, it shows women how to assess their partners and relationships for potential abuse, and for potential change - or not. Author Pamela Wiseman uses examples from counseling sessions to illustrate how the mind of an abusive man works and how to identify the patterns. She details the tricks used by such men to keep women in line and discusses warning signs, alcohol and drugs, and the excuses people use to explain abuse. Optimistic and empowering without candy-coating a difficult topic, this book gives women the tools to make clear-headed decisions about damaging relationships.

Library Journal

Authored by an experienced counselor, this wise, compassionate guide focuses on two key issues: how to tell if someone is a potential abuser and whether that person is likely to change. Case studies, "warning signs," and chapter summaries framed as "jerk tests" add to the volume's usefulness. Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.

Contents

Acknowledgments....................viii
Foreword....................x
Introduction....................1
Can Abusers Really Change?....................5
A Little Personal Background....................7
Is This Book Fair to Men?....................9
A Note to Men....................10
A Note to Women....................11
How to Use This Book....................12
Chapter 1: The Good, the Bad, and the Utterly Hopeless....................14
What Is Abuse?....................15
Early Warning Signs....................20
The Potentially Good, the Definitely Bad, and the Utterly Hopeless....................28
Chapter 2: Common Traits-and Tricks-of Abusive Men....................31
The Potentially Good Man....................33
The Definitely Bad Man....................38
The Utterly Hopeless Man....................43
Smiling Faces....................48
The Bait-and-Switch Technique....................53
Bad Endings....................54
Chapter 3: Telling It Like It Isn't....................57
Controlling Spin....................57
When He's Caught: Telling It Like It Isn't....................60
What's His Story?....................64
The Blame Game....................66
How To Stop the Spinning....................74
The Jerk Test #1....................75
A Note to Men on Jealousy....................77
Chapter 4: The "Accidental" Abuser....................78
Getting the Redout....................79
The Drunken-Bum Theory....................81
Road Rage?....................84
It's Just a Communication Problem....................86
She's ViolentToo....................89
I'm Just a Hothead....................90
Choice and Responsibility....................97
The Jerk Test #2....................99
Chapter 5: Who's in Control Here?....................100
What Abusers Believe....................100
Hard Feelings....................106
Crimes of Passion....................111
The Jerk Test #3....................113
A Note to Men on Jealousy....................115
Chapter 6: The Costs and Payoffs of Abusive Behavior....................116
What It Costs....................116
Costs versus Benefits....................122
Why Doesn't He Just Change?....................125
The Moral of the Story....................133
The Jerk Test #4....................138
Chapter 7: The Un-Cinderella....................139
Do Abusers Hate Women?....................140
Cinderella and Barbie....................142
The Hopeless Woman-Hating Abuser....................152
Don't Be Dorothy....................155
The Jerk Test #5....................157
Chapter 8: What's Power Got to Do with It?....................158
The Power Paradox....................158
Doormats and Dominators....................161
The Cycle of Abuse....................164
Should You Forgive and Forget?....................170
Putting the Shoe on the Other Foot....................172
The Jerk Test #6....................178
Chapter 9: Changing Men....................179
Will He, Won't He ... Change....................180
Barriers to Change....................184
Good Guys Changing....................194
What Now?....................198
Men Who Won't Change-A Summary....................201
Conclusion....................203
Getting Help for Him....................203
Resources....................210
Index....................222