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Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate » (Reprint)

Book cover image of Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate by Harriet Lerner

Authors: Harriet Lerner
ISBN-13: 9780060956165, ISBN-10: 006095616X
Format: Paperback
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Date Published: August 2002
Edition: Reprint

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Author Biography: Harriet Lerner

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

Book Synopsis

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:

  • We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable.
  • We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.
  • We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.
  • We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation.
  • We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line."
  • We are convinced that we've tried everything — and nothing changes.

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.

Anne Lamott

I love Hariet Lerner's work.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgmentsxi
Prologue: Back to the Sandboxxiii
Chapter 1Finding Your Voice1
Chapter 2Voice Lessons from My Father12
Chapter 3Our First Family: Where We Learned (Not) to Speak24
Chapter 4Should You Share Vulnerability?37
Chapter 5In Praise of Pretending51
Chapter 6Putting Our Parents in the Hot Seat70
Chapter 7Love Can Make You Stupid88
Chapter 8Marriage: Where's Your Bottom Line?107
Chapter 9"I Can't Live with This!" Voicing the Ultimate in Marriage120
Chapter 10Warming Things Up136
Chapter 11Silent Men/Angry Women157
Chapter 12Criticism Is Hard to Take169
Chapter 13An Apology? Don't Hold Your Breath183
Chapter 14Complaining and Negativity: When You Can't Listen Another Minute201
Chapter 15The Sounds of Silence: Finding a Voice When You're Rejected and Cut Off215
Epilogue: To Thine Own Self Be True233
Notes241
Index247

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