Baby Laughs: The Naked Truth about the First Year of Mommyhood » (~)

Jenny McCarthy is the former host of the enormously popular MTV dating show "Singled Out." She has starred in many films, including Dirty Love, the Sundance 2005 film that she also wrote. She is the author of several New York Times bestselling books such as Baby Laughs: The Naked Truth About the First Year of Mommyhood and Louder Than Words: A Motheras Journey Healing Autism. In 2002, McCarthy and her director ex-husband John Asher had their first child, Evan.

Jenny McCarthy's hilarious, no-holds-barred personality has made her an instantly recognizable TV personality and a bestselling author. In Baby Laughs she examines the full range of challenges that new mothers face, including:
• The humiliations of postnatal “numbing spray,” Tucks medicated pads, and adult diapers; jelly belly, balding, and gum disease; and becoming a “five-foot puke rag” for the baby
• Heart-stopping terrors, such as baby manicures, breathing checks, and burp failures
• Inadequacies, such as lullaby illiteracy and the need for a “heavy rotation” of toys, videos, and mobiles
• Daddy antics, such as infant wrestling, home-movie mania, sleeping like a log, and expecting sex
• Dueling grandmas, germ-ridden guests, Olympic-class competitive mommies, anorexic pets— and much more.

Mothers and fathers will find much-needed relief and insight in this sometimes touching, sometimes gritty, but always perceptive and outrageously funny account of what it truly means to have your very own small bundle of joy.

Los Angeles Family

A no-holds-barred account... Ideal for anyone who is pregnant, plans to become pregnant, or has ever been pregnant.

Contents

Move Over, Mrs. Cleaver! There s a New Bitch
in Town! (Mommyhood) 1

Blowing Out Your Vagina (Vaginal Delivery) 5

Hey, Dude! Easy with that Scalpel! (C-section) 11

Nursing Nazi (Bottle or Boob?) 17

Waitress, Can You Bring Me the Check?
I m Gonna Take My Baby TO GO! (Coming Home) 23

Okay, Um . . . Can Someone Quickly Explain
How to Raise a Human Being? (Freaking Out) 27

Ouch, My Udders Hurt! (Breastfeeding) 33

I ll Take the Twelve-Pack of Spit Rags, Ten Boxes of
Diapers, Seven Packets of Onesies, the #1 Approved
Car Seat and Throw That Super-Deluxe 2010
Stroller in Too! (Overbuying and Stroller Envy) 39

The Headless Penis (To Cut or Not to Cut) 43

Rock Star Lullabies (Noisy Influences) 49

Ew! It Looks Like a Burnt Cocktail Wiener!
(Losing the Umbilical Cord) 55

I m Singing the Mommy Blues (Postpartum Depression) 59

Hey, Buddy, It s Your Turn to Get Up
with the Baby! (Split Parenting) 65

Damn It! My Ass Is Bleeding Again! (Hemorrhoids) 69

Oh, No, I Ran Out of Cottage Cheese. Wait, I Can Just
Scrape Some Off My THIGHS! (Still FAT) 73

Introducing the TURDinator! (Endless Shits) 79

Sex? . . . Yeah, Right! Go Poke a Light Socket!
(Still Not in the Mood) 85

The Million-Dollar Manicure (Cutting the Baby s Nails) 91

A New Mom s Biggest Fear (Crib Death) 97

Hey, Girlfriend . . . Hello? . . . What Happened
to All My Girlfriends? (Changing of the Guard) 101

What s Up, Doc? (Endless Visits) 105

Thank God for Baby Einstein (Baby Rotation) 109

Finding Mrs. Doubtfire (The Search for the
Perfect Babysitter) 113

In This Corner We Have Grandma, and in This
Corner We Have Grandma (Helpers or Villains?) 121

The WWE Baby Champion of the
World! (Daddy Playtime) 127

Hey, Honey, the Germs Are Over for Another
Visit! (Unwanted Visitors) 131

Say Cheeeeezy!!! (Documenting Your Baby) 135

Can Someone Come Over to Do the Laundry and
Clean the Toilet So I Can Take a Shower and Shave
My Armpits Once This Week? (Mommy Time) 139

Uh-Oh, My Baby Isn t Perfect (Deformities) 145

Burning the Muumuu!! (Finally Losing the FAT) 149

My Baby s Smarter Than Your Baby . . . Oh, Yeah,
Well, Your Baby s Ugly! (Competitive Moms) 155

Don t They Make Baby Vicodin? (Teething) 161

No . . . NO!! Don t Touch That! (Babyproofing) 165

Anorexic Pets (Your Neglected Animals) 171

Mommy, Can I Have Another Jar of Liquid
Chicken and Poo-Poo-Colored Peas? (Feedin Time) 175

www.ismybabydevelopingproperly.com (Researching
Your Baby s On-Time Development) 179

Cravings from the Dark Side (Starting Up Old Habits) 185

And the Winner of the Most Severe, Balding, Sweaty,
Gum-Diseased Woman of the World Award
Is . . . YOU!!! (Letting Go of Pregnancy Hormones) 189

Supermom (Deciding to Go Back to Work) 193

Can I Take Your Order? Yes, God, I ll Take
Another Baby with No Pickles and Extra Mustard
This Time (Deciding on Baby #2) 197

Tips for Mom 201

Tips for Dad (From Your Wife) 205