A Private Family Matter: A Memoir » (Reprint)

Victor Rivas Rivers, a veteran actor who has starred in more than two dozen films (including The Mask of Zorro, The Distinguished Gentleman, and Blood In, Blood Out), is the spokesperson for the National Network to End Domestic Violence. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife and son.

Victor Rivers grew up in a family terrorized by a father, Tony Rivas, who took his anger out on those closest to him--his wife and children--especially Victor, who looked most like him.

Educated in a military boarding school the Cuban immigrant ruled his family with an iron fist that he often hurled into the face and body of his wife and sons. At one of his worst moments--when his son began to reach an intimidating physical size--he forbid his son to eat more than one meal a day that had to be consumed at 1am. He'd wake the high school student up and only then allowed him the meal if the boy gave the "right" answers to any questions he had.

This memoir shows though that a child can be saved and become a productive balanced adult--even when raised in the most toxic home--if there are but a few individuals willing to offered them support and understanding. Victor's story demonstrates in the most graphic and dramatic way how "a village" can raise a child even when a parent falls down. People such as his teachers, coaches, foster parents and his broken-spirited mom lifted Victor up and he became a successful professional athlete, a film actor and most importantly a loving and caring husband (of Mim Eichler, coauthor of Finding Fish) and father, and activist in the effort to eradicate domestic violence wherever it occurs.

Booklist

Like Jeannette Walls in The Glass Castle [BKL F 1 05], Rivers unfolds a story of a difficult childhood, but his was one of horrific physical abuse at the hands of a violent, controlling parent. Writing with an extraordinary memory for situation and detail, and even some self-deprecating humor, Rivers, now an actor and national spokesperson for the National Network to End Domestic Violence, reconstructs the childhood hell that he endured until, thanks to a concerned coach, a kind teacher, and a series of informal foster parents, he escaped as a teen. The many vivid descriptions of abuse are grueling to read, but they are nicely balanced by Rivers' hard-won successes in later life (including a short stint in professional football) as he struggled to overcome his vicious temper and fear of emotional commitment, both legacies from his father. His determination to speak out to help others who have endured similar trials caps an inspiring record of a life reclaimed.