Profoundly Enlightening
Sue Gerhardt’s Why Love Matters is an important book that addresses the crucial issue of what we need to recognize if we are to be more understanding of ourselves and each other and promote the health and well-being of future generations. This is a topic that should interest everyone because in one way or another we all contribute to what happens. The book presents evidence based on scientific research that supports the crucial role of relationships in the early development of healthy self-regulation. It describes how the ability to experience emotions with clarity and behave in constructive ways is rooted in what transpires in our immediate social context long before we have any awareness of what is happening. The book is well written and the presentation is entertaining covering not only the science but also providing vivid illustrations from the author’s clinical experience as well as from literature, film, and biography. The book underscores that it is during an individual’s most vulnerable months; namely prenatal life, infancy, and toddlerhood, that relationships have the most profound and enduring impact on our development. This is because during early life the brain is forming and becoming rapidly organized into functional systems whose structure and dynamics are not solely shaped by genetics. Exposure and experience drive genetic expression during time-limited sensitive periods and ultimately help determine whether our responses to environmental challenges or stressful circumstances will be more or less adaptive across situations.
It must be acknowledged that the idea of time-limited windows of opportunity to promote maximum well-being is not a comforting notion. Unfortunately, the idea is supported by lots of evidence which is not to say that one cannot point to exceptions where individuals subjected to adverse circumstances emerge with admirable qualities. Such resilient individuals are not the norm and often they have benefited from some unexpected relationship. It is also the case that biological arguments are not readily embraced by many well-intentioned individuals who find such arguments to be dangerously deterministic explanations for human behavior and contrary to notions of voluntary choice and responsibility for one’s actions. However, dismissing the ideas put forth in this book would only serve to perpetuate societal neglect of children and families who are in need of well-timed support if they are to avoid adverse outcomes such as susceptibility to academic failure, depression, violence, criminality, and/or addiction. Here some may perceive that the author is casting blame when in fact she is clarifying what needs to be recognized if we want to be supportive in ways that are effective. Investing in the early years is simply the right thing to do and besides that it is estimated to be less costly than the alternatives. Again this is an important book with a message that perhaps is not entirely reassuring or easy to accept but one that is profoundly enlightening!
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Evelyn frances Octavia Elliott
Great book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 17, 2023Valentine Cousin
A faire lire à toutes les futures et jeunes Maman
Reviewed in France on September 7, 2018