If you are an adoptive parent, imagine your daughter at age 13, sitting up late at night, going through her Lifebook. Or the glow in your son s eyes as he reads about when he first entered his family. Quiet, special times. What if this Lifebook gives your child the edge in terms of quality-of-life issues such as intimacy? What if the Lifebook magic could help hold them through difficult young-adult times? I believe it can. I hope you share my vision. " my 16-year-old son is a good kid. We adopted him as an infant and have always been open with him with what little information we had. Recently I read Lifebooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child. As a result, one night I brought my son s adoption papers out, and I said he was welcome to look through them. No thanks, Mom. But the next night he decided to take a look. Some little pieces of information took on new meaning, like his birth mother being the exact age he is now. That evening, [he said to me,] I love having you as my mother. I responded, "I love having you as my son! " Cathy, adoptive parent
Lifebooks give the family an attachment ritual: sitting together, reading the Lifebook. Honey, do you want to get your Lifebook? Mom, I want to read my Lifebook. Children (and parents) will know the words by heart. This process says, parent to child, there is nothing I can t tolerate about your history. Lifebook talk becomes symbolic of adoption issues discussion. But no one ever said this would be easy.
" my five year old son knows the words in his Lifebook by heart. As he becomes older and can comprehend more, the words will take on a new meaning. He will never have to be told and will always know that it s not his fault. Karen, adoptive parent
Families can either end the Lifebook at the finalization or add on throughout the child s life. The Lifebook has the potential to be ever changing. The child and family could later add in pictures, photographs, or even postcards from favorite teachers. For example, a child could include pictures of pets, original artwork, school awards, hobbies, etc.
B. The Best Way to Make a Lifebook
The best way to make a Lifebook is with the child. I can t stress how important this is. If a child is only two or three, they can participate by selecting the album type, picking out favorite photos, and doing some page decorating. From an early age, they will know about their special book and the adoption story. As the parent, you are now completely comfortable with adoption language and questions. Everyone gains from a Lifebook.
" one of my families adopted a baby [and] began Lifebook work right away Now at age one he can pull himself up and seems to point to his Lifebook naturally cooing, laughing, and making appropriate baby sounds their relationship and his adjustment has already benefited." Celia Robert, social worker
If you are making a Lifebook for an infant, then leave some of the pages blank for when they are older, age 4 or 5. Artwork is the child s contribution for many pages where no pictures exist.
Always make two copies of the Lifebook. The original photos/pages should be carefully stored away to avoid pizza stains or angry moments. The color copies allow for your child to hold on to the Lifebook and use it on a day-to-day basis.
As I did Lifebook work with children or heard stories from parents, I soon realized that it was the small bits of information like a favorite color, stories about the other children in the orphanage, what clothes they wore at the first meeting, or memories of a smell that helped ground children in their pasts.
This freed them to chase their dreams for the future. It wasn t always the major or official pieces of information that made children smile.
