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The Highly Sensitive Person in Love: Understanding and Managing Relationships When the World Overwhelms You Paperback – January 9, 2001
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Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.
Based on Elaine N. Aron’s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From low-stress fighting to sensitive sexuality, the book offers a wealth of practical advice on making the most of all personality combinations. Complete with illuminating self-tests and the results of the first survey ever done on sex and temperament, The Highly Sensitive Person in Lovewill help you discover a better way of living and loving.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarmony
- Publication dateJanuary 9, 2001
- Dimensions5.46 x 0.71 x 8.2 inches
- ISBN-100767903366
- ISBN-13978-0767903363
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The Highly Sensitive Person | The Highly Sensitive Person Workbook | The Highly Sensitive Child | |
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Are you a highly sensitive person? Discover how to better understand yourself and create a fuller, richer life with the help of a clinical psychologist. | A collection of exercises and activities for both individuals and groups, this workbook will help you identify the HSP trait in yourself, nurture the new, positive self-image you deserve, and create a fuller, richer life. | Addresses the trait of “high sensitivity” in children–and offers a breakthrough parenting guidebook for highly sensitive children and their caregivers |
Editorial Reviews
Review
From the Inside Flap
Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.
Based on Elaine N. Aron?s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From low-stress fighting to sensitive sexuality, the book offers a wealth of practical advice on making the most of all personality combinations. Complete with illuminating self-tests and the results of the first survey ever done on sex and temperament, The Highly Sensitive Person in Lovewill help you discover a better way of living and loving.
From the Back Cover
Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.
Based on Elaine N. Aron’s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From l
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
"I fall in love so damn hard."
"I feel like an alien sometimes. Everyone else seems to be in a relationship. But what they call love just doesn't appeal to me."
"Investments, cars, sports, getting ahead at work—I don't say it, but I've zero interest in those things compared to my love for my wife."
When highly sensitive people (HSPs) confide about love, there is notable depth and intensity. They fall in love hard and they work hard on their close relationships. Yes, sometimes non-HSPs sound similarly enthralled and confused by love, but on the average, HSPs have a more soul-shaking underlying experience.
None of this is too surprising. As I said in the introduction, HSPs are that 15 to 20 percent of the population born with nervous systems that pick up on subtleties, reflect deeply, and therefore are easily overwhelmed. So of course an HSP in love notices every nuance of another, reflects deeply on the other's charms, and is overwhelmed by the whole experience.
Even if it's not surprising that HSPs have these reactions, how little has been said about it. People are reading about psychology more than ever—I think we are awakening to the fact that our happiness and the world's survival depend on a deeper knowledge of the psyche and of love in particular. And this very basic trait of sensitivity, along with the entire neglected topic of inherited temperament, are absolutely essential for that deeper knowledge. Yet the topic is largely ignored, as if it is undemocratic to say we are born different.
In this chapter we will thoroughly explore sensitivity as well as another inherited temperament trait, sensation seeking. At the end we will return to you as an HSP and what you need for yourself before we take up the concern of the rest of the book, your relationships with others.
WHAT TEMPERAMENT ARE YOU? TIME TO FIND OUT
If you haven't already, take the HSP Self-Test on page 11 and score it. Then take the Sensation Seeker Self-Test here and score that as well—I will explain more about what it measures later in the chapter. (Taking these tests before you read further means your answers will be less influenced.) By the way, HSPs can score high on both tests.
If you are in a relationship and your partner is willing to take the same tests, now would be a good time for your partner to take the second copy of each test, which I've provided for that purpose.
If your partner is not going to take the tests for some reason, you can fill them out, answering the questions as you think your partner would.
If you do not have a partner, you can fill them out as you imagine a past partner would have—someone you were once close to and want to think about as you read this book.
Are You a Sensation Seeker?
A Self-Test
Answer each question according to the way you feel. Answer true if it is at least somewhat true for you. Answer false if it is not very true or not at all true for you.
T F If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.
T F I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.
T F I would rather go to a new place I may not like than go back again to a place I know I like.
T F I would like to try a sport that creates a physical thrill, like skiing, rock climbing, or surfing.
T F I get restless if I stay home for long.
T F I don't like waiting with nothing to do.
T F I rarely watch a movie more than once.
T F I enjoy the unfamiliar.
T F If I see something unusual, I will go out of my way to check it out.
T F I get bored spending time with the same people everyday.
T F My friends say it is hard to predict what I will want to do.
T F I like to explore a new area.
T F I avoid having a daily routine.
T F I am drawn to art that gives me an intense experience.
T F I like substances that make me feel "high."
T F I prefer friends who are unpredictable.
T F I look forward to being in a place that is new and strange to me.
T F To me, if I am spending the money to travel, the more foreign the country the better.
T F I would like to be an explorer.
T F I enjoy it when someone makes an unexpected sexual joke or comment that starts everyone laughing a little nervously.
To score, see the box after the Partner Test.
Is Your Partner a Sensation Seeker?
A Self-Test to Be Completed by Your Partner
(If you are not in a relationship or your partner does not want to take this test, you can fill it out yourself, answering the questions as you would imagine your partner would, or as someone would whom you have been close to in the past and want to think about as you read this book.)
Answer each question according to the way you feel. Answer true if it is at least somewhat true for you. Answer false if it is not very true or not at all true for you.
T F If it were safe, I would like to take a drug that would cause me to have strange new experiences.
T F I can become almost painfully bored in some conversations.
T F I would rather go to a new place I may not like than go back again to a place I know I like.
T F I would like to try a sport that creates a physical thrill, like skiing, rock climbing, or surfing.
T F I get restless if I stay home for long.
T F I don't like waiting with nothing to do.
T F I rarely watch a movie more than once.
T F I enjoy the unfamiliar.
T F If I see something unusual, I will go out of my way to check it out.
T F I get bored spending time with the same people everyday.
T F My friends say it is hard to predict what I will want to do.
T F I like to explore a new area.
T F I avoid having a daily routine.
T F I am drawn to art that gives me an intense experience.
T F I like substances that make me feel "high."
T F I prefer friends who are unpredictable.
T F I look forward to being in a place that is new and strange to me.
T F To me, if I am spending the money to travel, the more foreign the country the better.
T F I would like to be an explorer.
T F I enjoy it when someone makes an unexpected sexual joke or comment that starts everyone laughing a little nervously.
Product details
- Publisher : Harmony (January 9, 2001)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0767903366
- ISBN-13 : 978-0767903363
- Item Weight : 8.5 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.46 x 0.71 x 8.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #28,558 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #117 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
- #232 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #877 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Elaine Aron, Ph.D., is recognized internationally as one of the leading scientists studying the psychology of love and close relationships. Dr. Aron’s research on love, conducted with her husband, Dr. Art Aron, has been featured in the New York Times, Time, and National Geographic. She is the author of The Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, and The Highly Sensitive Child. She has lived in many places all over North America, from a geodesic dome on Cortes Island to an aging southern mansion on Peachtree Street in Atlanta, and now divides her time between New York and San Francisco.
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I'm the kind of person that has a hard time connecting certain dots (I think it's because i'm so logical) so I really need someone to just set it all out on the table for me. Elaine Aron is a fantastic researcher and scientist and I think SO many of us could be benefitted by her books.
I'm sure we all know a lot of people that are this way that we just don't realize. If we just learn how to help and love them our world would be a better place.
The only thing I don't like about this book, really, is that it sometimes puts highly sensitive people on a higher plane than other people, although she is constantly saying that they aren't better or worse than anyone else. Sometimes I think she boosts them up so much that it seems like she really does think they are better than other people.
Anyway, this book was incredible. This author is amazing. The seller was great. I received it in a very timely manner and it was in great condition.
Now that I'm in a serious romantic relationship, the particular contents of this book (as opposed to Aron's first book, The Highly Sensitive Person) seemed more relevant, so I bought a copy from Amazon. It had been several years since I looked at it, and I'm amazed yet again at how insightful the author is. She writes with compassion and wisdom, and she cites studies and research to back up her claims, as well as illustrating them with real stories. I highly recommend this book for any HSP who has moved past believing that the opposite sex has cooties.
*Check out [...] for more information about what this means.
Update review: I have Aspergers Syndrome and found out since I bought this book. There is a lot of cross over between HSP and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Both are highly sensitive to their surroundings and become overwhelmed. Not all ASDs or HSPs are alike and no two will be the same here. I donated my collection of these HSP books to the library hoping someone else could gain insight and help into understanding why they seem more sensitive in this world than most others. This title is somewhat misleading...
Her discussion on intimacy and gender roles was challenging and honest. I think these topics are best discussed openly, but they often are not. The fact way she tackles them with such clarity and directness in this book is refreshing.