I'd heard bits and pieces about a "marine porn star" for so many years it became almost an urban legend in the gay community, like our own version of the Loch Ness Monster-- meaning something you'd never really see, but one you'd like to sleep with on the off chance that it's true. As a New Yorker in late 1998, I recall reading the infamous New York Times Magazine cover story about gay Marines and feeling the pressure they described when talking about how they had to hide a huge portion of their beings from everyone they worked with, every day, or risk dishonorable discharge.
That was as far as I was able to connect the dots until the release of "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star" this summer. Still, reading the reviews gave me a vague impression of just what I was in for when I first cracked open the book. I expected a sex-filled mea culpa from some porno actor who decided to join the Marines as a last resort after his career faded. I'm pleased to tell you I was horribly off-base in this assumption.
Rich Merritt was the perfect gay man to enter the Marine Corps. He was obedient to a fault, smart, a proven leader, and, although his sexual urges were repressed, he craved validation and the admiration of men. His background as a mom-pleasing Bob Jones Academy, Bob Jones High School and Bob Jones University student provided the Corps with an ideal template from which to begin molding Merritt into one of the few and the proud, to which Merritt eagerly submitted.
Do not categorize Rich as a porno actor. He credits the Orange County Gay Men's Chorus in the acknowledgements, which was my first indication that there was more to Rich than buff stuff. One reads his story, sees his earlier photos, and wonders how in heck he ever thought he should do porn in the first place. His high school yearbook photos show the slightly doughy, slightly smug look of, say, the Band President, which he was. You can feel his sense of validation increase as the story continues, with Merritt successfully completing all the rigorous (and I mean RIGOROUS) training and lifestyle required of serving in the Marines.
One by one, his inhibitions fall to the ground. Merritt, now having proven himself to be a cute, hearty, spark-plug of a guy, is the quintessential corn-fed innocent let loose in the world. He takes up swearing, smoking, drinking and dancing in short order. Soon he's even popping women. Only occasionally does he recognize his attraction to other men might be more than ideological, and, thank the lord, the man finally has his first gay sexual experience. Needless to say, it's pretty explosive. Sadly, he doesn't have another one for a year, so you've got to give him credit for making the most of his time.
Rich becomes very successful in the Marines, earning the title of Captain. (He's very adept at explaining the ironclad, unspoken rules of rank in the Military, which makes you appreciate his ascent even more.) Around this same time, Rich began the coming out process, macking around with men in every port whenever he got the chance. On a lark, having already showcased his fabulous new body as a stripper (to audiences of chicks) and a brief foray into the high-money world of male prostitution, he decides to answer an ad for porn "models." Needless to say, he wows the producer and his parallel career is born.
It was Rich's relationship with an organization that defended gay military personnel against "charges" of homosexuality that led him to carefully agree to be interviewed for a cover story in the New York Times Magazine. He had already had success as a writer himself--I dare anyone to read his pivotal, pseudonymous, gay-positive editorial in the Navy Times and not be impressed with the then 29-year-old's deftness with words--so Rich was able to quickly understand what the author needed to make the story whole. Unfortunately, this created some news around the batallion, almost tarnishing Rich's 14-year career only weeks before his retirement.
The Advocate followed-up the Times piece with a supportive story, identifying Rich by name. A reader of the magazine recognized the cute Marine with the tatoo as a former porn star. It is at that moment in Merritt's affecting, well-documented memoir that hell really, really, really breaks loose.
I found myself crying at certain passages of this book, laughing out loud at others. Rich totally connects with his readers--my firm retort to those who say the book is "too wordy." It's not. I wanted to know every bit of detail I could get in plowing through the book and I'm glad Rich had the cojones to share it all with us. And, boy, does he share! NO ONE will come away from "Secrets of a Gay Marine Porn Star" thinking negatively about Rich, not because he paints a complimentary portrait of himself, but because he takes pains to let us know about every one of his screw ups and bad decisions. Imagine telling the world every embarrassing story about yourself and you can get a sense of how difficult this process must've been for Rich.
By now steeped in the circuit party culture of the "A List" among the gay community, Rich dunks his entire being into a morass of drugs, sex, drugs, sex and drugs, drugs, drugs. He's fortunate enough to have a bevy of loyal pals along for this harrowing ride, including a boyfriend (Rich uses the pseudonym "Brandon" in the book) who is described more than once with the well-earned moniker of "saint." You'll scream as Rich betrays this boyfriend numerous times, then feel the depths of pity as he describes his horrific attempt at suicide. This episode provides another turning point in the book, and sets the stage for the long road home to self-actualization.
I wish Rich spent a little time discussing his recovery from substance abuse. One moment he's an addict, and the next thing we know he's kicked cigarettes, booze, dope and just about everything else, including California. He emerges scarred but loved, hurt yet happy, destroyed yet triumphant, alone yet partnered. I could go on about how this book may have changed my life, but I'm not yet sure how, although I literally feel different after reading it. You will, too. "Secrets" packs a wallop no ordinary man could create. We should be thankful for the gift of Rich Merritt--from his incredible musical skill, his writing, his leadership, his defense of our country, and now, his being one of us. Yet, he'll never be just an Average Joe. Not with a mind like his, and a will to live that outsmarts and outpunches any negative source that refuses to give him a place at the table.
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Reviews with images
Amazing what policy
Amazing what military policy, ones upbringing, environment, and guilt can reak on ones lifestyle, poignant straight forward story of a life sometimes out of control and spiraling.
Top reviews from other countries
Hella Wahnsinn
Super Buch-wahnsinnsgeschichte und wirklich passiert!!!
Reviewed in Germany on September 16, 2008
