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The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids Paperback – October 6, 2009

by Michael Ungar (Author)
4.0 4.0 out of 5 stars 6 ratings
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Wouldn't it be nice if your child committed herself to doing a simple act of kindness every day? As today's culture seems to grow more self-centered and obsessed with “me,” Dr. Michael Ungar refreshingly points the way to raising “we” thinkers. Perhaps most inspiring about Ungar's findings: today's kids are eager to help out and be noticed. What they need, though, is compassion, encouragement, and attentiveness to their most important connections—those made at home. By recounting the inspiring stories of his work with families, Ungar reveals how the emotional bond kids crave and the support adults provide can help our children realize their full potential. Filled with practical tips, this guide will inspire every child and adult to be their best, most giving self.
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  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Da Capo Lifelong Books
  4. Publication date
    October 6, 2009
  5. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.75 x 8.5 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0738213780
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0738213781
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Can the Me Generation of baby boomers raise a We Generation of consciously compassionate, less self-involved kids? Canadian psychologist Ungar believes so and has written this guide for parents to help them foster in their offspring a spirit of volunteerism, a willingness to give back and a directive to do well by doing good. Each of these eight, action-oriented chapters offers anecdotes, self-evaluation tools, lists of activities and boxed tips as it addresses part of a plan for overcoming the problem of self-centered kids, starting with recognizing and learning that kids want to help and make changes; that compassion leads to connection, which leads to responsibility; how grandparents, neighbors and other parents can join forces; why parent-child affection is so important; how to guide kids spiritually and emotionally; how to avoid kids' isolation and anonymity in society; and strategies for generating excitement about being part of a wider world. Critical to all this is parents' commitment to model what they want to see in their kids. While this book may raise more questions than it answers—can kids who do community service only for college application profiles grow a conscience? or what about rebellious kids who do the opposite of their parents?—it is timely. Just as cardigan-clad Mr. Rogers embodied this concept in his PBS neighborhood, Ungar reframes it for today's families. (Dec.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

Plymouth Magazine, February 2010
“For those seriously interested in raising socially-conscious kids, this book is a must read. Not only does the author do a fabulous job of exploring the causes of ‘me’ thinking versus ‘we’ thinking, but he also gives parents simple ideas to help kids become active members of their home, church, school and community, making an impact in everything they do. Find fantastic techniques to try with children as young as preschool all the way through young adulthood.” Costa Mesa Daily Pilot, 7/25/10“Written in the spirit of helping parents foster their offspring to be less self-involved and more consciously compassionate people...This is a hopeful appeal to parents who want to improve the next generation's awareness of social, economical and environmental issues.” Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, August 2010

Library Journal, 10/15
“In chapters analyzing various types of connections—family, spiritual, physical, architectural—Ungar concludes each chapter with a ‘tips list’ for ways to nurture kind connections. This pairs nicely with two other recent standouts: Kim John Payne’s Simplicity Parenting and Polly Young-Eisendrath’s The Self-Esteem Trap.”

Blogcritics.org, 10/11
“A good read for both parents and children…I would recommend this book to adults raising small children so they can immediately start to build security into their family interactions. I would hope parents of older teens would purchase several copies so all can read The We Generation at the same time and discuss it.”

Tuscon Citizen, “Shelf Life” blog, 10/11
“By sharing the inspiring stories of his work with families, Dr. Ungar…offers a plan of how to raise more engaged, community-minded kids during this era of self-centered obsession…This is a well-crafted book filled with sane advice.”



InfoDad.com, 11/12/09
“A good deal of what Ungar urges is plain and simple unselfishness and cooperation, which are certainly worthy goals…The basic idea here—and it is a good one—is to avoid providing children so much that asks nothing of them that they become focused entirely on themselves…Parents who share Ungar’s worldview will surely find The We Generation uplifting.”

ForeWord, November/December 2009
“Offers effective suggestions on how to prepare children to become compassionate by engaging in simple acts of kindness…[A] helpful guidebook…A useful addition to the list of parental handbooks.”

Internet Review of Books, December 2009
“Plenty of practical tips…[A] well-researched book, so it will appeal to a wide range of parents.”

Mama’s Musings blog, 1/29/10
“[Ungar] turns a hopeful eye to the next generation who are more aware of social, economic and environmental issues than their parents…Michael Ungar’s book is like a prosey hug. He clearly walks his talk with an authentic voice, one by which we would do well to abide.”

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Da Capo Lifelong Books; Original edition (October 6, 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0738213780
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0738213781
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.75 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.0 4.0 out of 5 stars 6 ratings

About the author

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Michael Ungar

Michael Ungar

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Michael Ungar, Ph.D., is both a family therapist and a Killam Professor of Social Work at Dalhousie University. He is currently the Network Director of the Children and Youth in Challenging Contexts Network and founder and Co-Director of the Resilience Research Centre that coordinates more than five million dollars in funded research in a dozen countries. That research is focused on resilience among children, youth and families and how they together survive adversity in culturally diverse ways.

Michael has published over 100 peer-reviewed articles and book chapters on resilience and is the author of 13 books including The Social Worker, his first novel. Among his books for professionals are Working with Children and Youth with Complex Needs: 20 Skills to Build Resilience; The Social Ecology of Resilience: A Handbook for Theory and Practice; and Counseling in Challenging Contexts: Working with Individuals and Families Across Clinical and Community Settings. He also writes for parents and educators. Among his most recent works are I Still Love You: Nine Things Troubled Kids Need From Their Parents; We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Children and Teens; and Too Safe For Their Own Good: How Risk and Responsibility Help Teens Thrive.

In addition to his research and writing, Michael maintains a small family therapy practice in association with Phoenix Youth Programs, a prevention program for street youth and their families, and was the recipient of the 2012 Canadian Association of Social Workers National Distinguished Service Award. His work has been featured in numerous magazines (Reader's Digest, Body and Soul, Today's Parent) and newspapers (Globe and Mail, Toronto Star, USA Today) around the world, and he regularly appears on radio and television. Among his many contributions to his community has been his role as Co-Chair of the Nova Scotia Mental Health and Addictions Strategy Advisory Committee.

His blog, Nurturing Resilience, can be read on Psychology Today's website at www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-resilience

Customer reviews

4 out of 5 stars
4 out of 5
6 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

IdaSight
4.0 out of 5 stars The We Generation
Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2010
Verified Purchase
Very readable and full of insights in many different areas. A good "brush up" on some items which can slip from time to time.

The author occasionally feels the need to poke at Christian excesses. For example on p. 153 he informs us of being "stunned" at the realease of violent "Christian" videogame, and on p. 180 he condems China and "evengelical communities that promote hatred under the gouise..."----an interesting juxtaposition: Chinese authoritians and Christian "evangelicals that promote hatred".

Chapter five contains discussion of religious and spiritual life principals. Jesus is portrayed as one profit amoung many. This is a position of many people but it at least deserves the author's note that he is denying an essential claim of the Christian faith tradition. On the other hand the author is happy to quote Buddhists and Aboriginals positively pp. 151 159, in contrast to the observation above and in the absense of any quotes in the book from Jesus or reputable Christians of today or historically.

Some readers may agree with the author's discussion of religion, with his point p 156, that "It's hard to imagine a single version of the 'truth', when the divine is honored in so many compelling ways", as he lumps together the practices of Christians, Muslums, Jews, Aboriginal spirituality, Wiccans and Mormons. While such may be hard for the author to imagine, his alternative "all roads" idea may not be agreeable to many readers.

The author provides many worthwhile parental insights. As a prospective reader reviews the book's covers and title she/he has little reason to be forewarned that at times the author breakes forth with his opinions regarding religious faith. That said, and his opinions fore warned, the overall material covered is very interesting and insightful.
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Jose Zazueta
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I was expecting, but got a bit better on the second half of the book
Reviewed in the United States on March 11, 2014
Verified Purchase
It's very hard for me to review this book... I was so close to stop reading it a few times, just not at all interesting the first half of the book and was thinking on assigning two stars... The author just talked about how bad it is when kids dont get the attention needed, how bad their lives can turn out (jail, etc...). Not really for me, i don't think i need to be told to love my kids, so not what i was looking for... However it changed a bit for good on the second half of the book, actually giving some good tips on how to make sure your kids care about society and just people around them, which is what's really satisfying at the end...
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Regis Schilken
5.0 out of 5 stars Children must feel love before they can give it
Reviewed in the United States on October 11, 2009
In  The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids , Michael Unger talks of parents who look at their children with utter frustration. Deep inside, they feel their kids are egotistical--turned in on themselves--unless they are outside their home standing on a street corner with their gang. Parents notice they often dress in odd ways, but not identically. They see that the more atypical a hairstyle or mode of dress is, the greater the admiration within their peer group, and this frustrates parents even more. Why are they so me, me, me?

What many parents don't recognize is that they themselves are the very cause of their alienated children. They do not model a WE attitude with their kids. Parents are often so busy with their careers, their social network, the intricacies of their personal lives, that they assume their offspring will grow into mature adults just because they should--after all, their children live in a nice home, have few material needs if any, and attend good schools.

But having few material wants does not replace the want for genuine interaction within a family where both children and parents show compassion for each other's welfare. Children are adaptable. When they feel their thoughts and feelings are not important; their "past, present, and future," is of little consequence; their achievements, however small, are not recognized; they will gang together where all those things do count. It is often in a gang setting that the we, we, we, discussed in  The We Generation  is confirmed.

Unger stresses that "Compassion, connection, responsibility, citizenship" are part of the security cycle which must begin at home. Security to a child means she feels parents are genuinely concerned for her welfare. If a mother enters a room too preoccupied to notice her daughter's raised hands indicating "Hold me," at her own level, that tiny tot doubts her mother's feelings for her. In her own infant way, she experiences no "touch" connection. There is no smiling face or warm huggie to greet her.

The  The We Generation  explains how teens feel this security, or lack of it, in a different way. A father walks through the dining area. His teen son is gluing together a wooden model airplane. He waits for words of praise. Pop takes his golf clubs and leaves--maybe says a short "Nice job, son." This dad has missed a grand opportunity.

He could have walked to the table, sat down, and watched his son. He might have asked to hold the model. Then, without criticizing his son's attempts, this father could have offered sincere praise while placing his hand on his son's shoulder. He might even ask, "When I get home this evening, will you let me help paint it?" Or, "Let's go out tomorrow and get an engine for that thing." This son is secure knowing he is cared about, and loved, and touched.

Kids mirror what they see adults doing. If a teen daughter consistently sees her father speeding, how can he hold her responsible for back-talk when she speeds, or when she comes home with speeding tickets. What's more, if he blows his top because of the cost of the ticket, not because she was speeding, he is only reinforcing irresponsibility and poor citizenship.

In short,  The We Generation  is a good read for both parents and children. By using some of the book's countless techniques for reconnecting with their offspring, children will recognize parental attempts to  convert a me, me, me, attitude to a WE family affirmation.  When both parents and teens read the book, teens can begin to understand that their folks are not old fogies at heart. At least now, they are trying to change their own attitudes which drove their kids to seek love and security away from home.

I would recommend this book to adults raising small children so they can immediately start to build security into their family interactions. I would hope parents of older teens would purchase several copies so all can read  The We Generation  at the same time and discuss it. As the book says, "Parents count more than ever." Let's re-create our children.

Other significant books on the subject:
 Parents Do Make a Difference: How to Raise Kids with Solid Character, Strong Minds, and Caring Hearts (The Jossey-Bass Psychology Series)
Blessing Your Children: How You Can Love the Kids in Your Life
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Take Back Your Family: How to Raise Respectful and Loving Kids in a Dysfunctional World
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Top reviews from other countries

Jillian Boyd
5.0 out of 5 stars a fantastic message to child educators and parents today
Reviewed in Germany on May 29, 2015
Verified Purchase
Michael Ungar presents a thoughtful and evidence based guide for nurturing children toward a "we" generation. Modern and in touch with issues today, Ungar provokes reflection on social and education policies and parenting.
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