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The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever Paperback – November 15, 2005

by Susan Newman (Author)
4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 98 ratings
See all formats and editions
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Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.

Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you

  • Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
  • Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
  • Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
  • Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work
Read more Read less
Previous page
  1. Print length
    197 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    McGraw-Hill
  4. Publication date
    November 15, 2005
  5. Dimensions
    5.25 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0071460780
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0071460781
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Do you feel guilty when your child demands that you launder his soccer uniform immediately? Does an out-of-town friend suddenly want you to clear your calendar for an unexpected visit? In this handy manual, social psychologist Newman (Parenting an Only Child) writes with humor but a no-nonsense tone, offering 250 short, dramatic scenes that demonstrate workable techniques for helping you just say no. Newman contends that for many people, saying yes to whatever is asked of them is an unhealthy pattern driven by a need for approval, love or admiration, rather than a desire to help. To those who make a habit of accommodating others against their better judgment, the author suggests making a weekly list of yeses, noting if your time is well managed, learning to prioritize and set limits and giving up the need to be in control. Newman outlines familiar examples of demands made by friends, family and co-workers, and even forceful strangers such as telemarketers (just refuse and hang up). Although Newman doesn't write specifically for women, most of her illustrations present wives, mothers and workers as typical of today's overwhelmed yes women.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From the Back Cover

"This book will free you. It is one of the most liberating, empowering, and practical topics I've seen . . . and Susan Newman does a masterful job bringing it home."
--Joseph Grenny, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Crucial Confrontations

"The skill of saying 'no' is essential for a life of freedom and dignity. Dr. Newman's book, through a series of carefully analyzed examples, teaches that skill."
-- Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D., coauthor of Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No

Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.

Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you

  • Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
  • Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
  • Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
  • Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill; 1st edition (November 15, 2005)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 197 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071460780
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071460781
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.25 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 98 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Susan Newman

Susan Newman

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As a social psychologist and contributor to Psychology Today and US News and World Report magazines, my research and writing focus on relationship and family issues. I've authored 15 books, including "The Case for the Only Child," "Little Things Long Remembered," "Under One Roof Again," and "The Book of NO," an Amazon bestseller.

My expertise includes raising only children, enriching parent-child and family connections, and reaching a sensible balance between work and family. The goal is to provide readers the tools to succeed in creating a happier life through the most accurate, objective, and useful research and insights available.

I'm a member of the American Psychological Association and The American Society for Journalists and Authors, a former lecturer at Rutgers University and was named one of the Top 25 Parenting Educators by Roots of Action.

Visit: Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons or susannewmanphd.com for regular psychology news and family advice.

You can also connect with me on Facebook (facebook.com/DrSusanNewman) and Twitter (twitter.com/SusanNewmanPhD).

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
98 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Texas mom
5.0 out of 5 stars This book empowers you to say "NO" with confidence!
Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2022
Verified Purchase
The book of "NO" by Dr. Susan Newman is a keeper and has a permanent place on my book shelf. This book wonderfully empowers the reader to say "NO" and take back their precious time. Some people have trouble saying "NO" to endless requests, and they wind up with the martyr syndrome, cranky and feeling used. The author walks the reader through many scenarios, and explains what is going on, and how to say "NO" with confidence and self-esteem. This book is one of my favorites!
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Bob Konrardy
5.0 out of 5 stars Just say No
Reviewed in the United States on October 2, 2013
Verified Purchase
I purchased this book because I have a hard time saying "No." And it has given me some great come backs when I'm aggressively asked to do something I don't want to do. Saying "No" is hard. This book gives you some ways to gracefully say no. I recommend it.
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Sharif
4.0 out of 5 stars a powerful word
Reviewed in the United States on June 19, 2015
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This book gives scenarios and advice about being in disagreeable and awkward situations with friends, family, coworkers, and strangers (pushy and manipulative ones in particular), and saying that powerful word “no.” If we say “yes,” we lose time, energy, dignity, comfort, and so many other things. Even though I’ve been a lot better at saying “no” today compared to years ago—and being much happier and at ease in my life for it—this was a nice reminder on the power of that word.
2 people found this helpful
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Donna B
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read!
Reviewed in the United States on October 13, 2014
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This is the third book I've read on the subject. The author kept my attention throughout. I highly recommend the book to anyone who could use guidance in dealing with people and learning techniques to easily say NO!
2 people found this helpful
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socalgal
3.0 out of 5 stars Just "ok"
Reviewed in the United States on April 1, 2012
Verified Purchase
Lots of examples of how to say no but not much of what actually defines someone who always says YES. If you have already read books about why you say YES all the time then this book will help a little. It will give you examples of how to say NO and what to say to people who always get you to do things you don't want to do. Beyond that it is not much help. Your money is better spent on buying a book telling you WHY it is so hard for you to say No to people.
4 people found this helpful
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Winningphotographer
5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding the reasons why it is hard to say "No" as a starting point for saying "No" in a positive way....
Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2014
Verified Purchase
This book is excellent because it provides extensive role-play situations where the underlying dynamics and motives are discussed that lead to over-commitment, and provides concrete strategies and responses to free oneself to say "No" in effective ways.
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Jabanobotha
1.0 out of 5 stars Contradictory advice which is rarely useful
Reviewed in the United States on January 25, 2006
Verified Purchase
I'm skeptical whenever I see a book get rave reviews then one lone poor review, but there are some things about this book I wish I knew before I bought it.

The book is heavily gender biased. It is no secret that men and women communicate differently, which is fine; but when I bought this book after reading the back cover and hearing about it on msn's news highlights I was expecting general advice which couls be helpful to all. Instead the book seems to be more based on interactions from and with women. A direct quote, "You are dieting and planned a yogurt to get you through dinner....", another quote "We're having a baby shower for Ellen..... You'll be there, right?"

I don't mind the gender specific situations so much, as they can be applied to different situations, but even the advice seems skewed to the more feminine trait of being liked rather than assertive, which gets to my real beef with the book; IT CONTRADICTS ITSELF. The introduction warns that you should say "No" and be assertive wihtout making excuses or lying. Instead of discussing how to be assertive while at the same time being social; the book goes on to provide situations and the corresponding way to say no, most of which are lies or excuses. I don't have time... I wish I would but.... It's impossible for me to do now...I told Amy I'd do that with her.... Just saying no and sticking to your guns is hardly ever mentioned. Other solutins in the book involve leaving things open ended "I'll have to see..." or compromisng on something you know you don't want to do in the first place, "I'll do the planning but someone else has to do the lunches" (loose quote I couldn't find it again).

If you still think you want to read this book, go to the library.
51 people found this helpful
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Bobby Castle
5.0 out of 5 stars Unbelievable to now be able to say no. Big ...
Reviewed in the United States on November 23, 2015
Verified Purchase
Unbelievable to now be able to say no. Big advantage at work and at home. I don't always say no but if I say yes it's on my terms now!
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Top reviews from other countries

Flick Lawrance
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I needed!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 29, 2012
Verified Purchase
I love this book! It is just what some of us need to kick stark our assertiveness and stop feeling guilty for catering to our own needs. I am a natural pushover but this book has motivated me to find my 'NO' and not be afraid to use it when necessary. The situations are a bit Americanised and do assume the reader is rather amazing, however the underlying message can still be understood. Thanks! Very motivational!
3 people found this helpful
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Harry Twain
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book Loved IT!!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 13, 2014
Verified Purchase
Practical ways to say NO, had it for a couple of weeks has already got me out of a few very time consuming favours absoloytely brilliant of you have a hard time saying no when a favour is asked.
One person found this helpful
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Nick
4.0 out of 5 stars I enjoyed reading it
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 10, 2015
Verified Purchase
The many short role plays in this book are helpful and very well-observed. I enjoyed reading it, and it's given me a handle on how to say No, even to my nearest and dearest. I would recommend this book with 2 provisos, it's short - I read it in a couple of hours, and also it's greatly over-priced for a Kindle book.
3 people found this helpful
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mark stocks
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 14, 2015
Verified Purchase
Thanks amazon another great buy
One person found this helpful
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SARAH
2.0 out of 5 stars Disappointing
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 26, 2014
Verified Purchase
I thought that this book was very tedious to read, the scenarios are all very similiar and after a while the responses are the same. When I purchased this book I thought it would have a more psychological side to it and be interesting as well as motivating.

Unfortunately i didn't gain anything from this book.
2 people found this helpful
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