Men Are Stupid... And They Like Big Boobs: A Woman's Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery » (Large Print)

Joan Rivers is a force of nature—and one of the hardest working celebrities in the world—comedienne, bestselling author, Tony-nominated actress, playwright, screenwriter, motion picture director, columnist, lecturer, syndicated radio host, Emmy Award-winning talk show host, jewelry designer, Red Carpet fashion laureate, businesswoman, and mother and grandmother.

Valerie Frankel had published fourteen novels, four non-fiction titles, and one memoir. Her titles include: Thin Is The New Happy, The Best You'll Ever Have, Fringe Girl, Hex and the Single Girl, The Accidental Virgin, and Smart Vs. Pretty.

Red-carpet fashion laureate, comic icon, and outspoken superstar Joan Rivers is uniquely qualified to talk about plastic surgery — because she's one of the few celebrities unafraid to admit to the world what she's "had done" to keep looking so great. Now, in this no-holds-barred book, she gives women straight-talking advice on better living through looking better.

Joan Rivers' abiding life philosophy is simple: in the appearance-centric society of the twenty-first century, beauty is key — especially where men are concerned. Men like pretty women. And so, getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted, or removed is as fundamental as wearing makeup or using hair conditioner; it's become something we do to make ourselves look better. Now, for any woman considering her options, Joan Rivers takes the mystery out of cosmetic surgery with a practical overview, aided and informed by the country's top plastic surgeons, of almost every single cosmetic procedure legally performed in America today. She takes readers step-by-step through these entire processes, from fi nding the right doctor to the bruising truth about recovery and the facts about cosmetic surgery's very real risks.

But don't worry — there's dish, too. Filled with Rivers' personal anecdotes about life under the knife, Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs is also rife with Hollywood gossip about who's done what and how often. Part comic musing, part bitch-fest, and part hands-on advice, this is a bracingly funny, wildly frank, and genuinely passionate argument for a woman's right to do whatever it takes to be beautiful, to feel better about herself, and most of all to be happy — not onlywith who she is, but who she wants to be. Throughout the book, Joan Rivers is right there, guiding and encouraging with no apologies, no excuses, and absolutely no shame. Take it from the woman who enjoys having it all — done.

Intro: Welcome to My World

One: Hello, Doctor!
Some people call them doctors. I call them life-savers.

Two: Botox, Baby!*
Miracle in a needle.

Three: Plump It Up: Lips*
Permanent or temporary ways to get smoochable lips.

Four: Filler Up: Wrinkles*
Wrinkle-erasing, collagen, Restylane, Juvéderm, and other fillers you need to know about. Plus: mole removal. On Cindy Crawford, the mole looks good. On you? Not so much.

Five: You're So Smooth: Skin*
Skin resurfacing peels, microdermabrasion, laser zapping, freckle nixing, rosacea fixing, and getting rid of broken capillaries, acne scars, and every blemish under the sun. Plus: the ugly truth about cellulite.

Six: More Where You Want It, Less Where You Don't: Hair
Laser body-hair removal and head-hair transplants.

Seven: About Face Lifts*
Face lifts of every flavor — full, mini, and feather — facial implants, and revolumizing fat transfers. Plus: how to get better teeth to go with the uplifted face.

Eight: When You Care Enough to Send Your Very, Very Breast*
Boob jobs, boob jabs, lifts, reductions, and all you ever wanted to know about how to tweak a nipple.

Nine: Bobbing for Noses*
Nose jobs: smaller, bigger, straighter, sharper, narrower. Also, what the hell happened to Michael Jackson?

Ten: Sucks to Be You: Lipo!*
Liposuction: how the fat gets out of your belly, butt, chin, knee, wherever it lurks.

Eleven: Cutting Out the Middle*
Tummy tucks, mommy makeovers, and how to get your pre-preggers body back.

Twelve: Eyes Wide Open*
A wake-up call for drooping eyes and brows. Also, how to get torn lobes and jugheads fixed.

Thirteen: Arm and a Leg*
Body and face of a thirty-year-old, limbs of Mother Teresa? Extreme makeovers, for extremities.

Fourteen: Vaginas and Butts
Vaginal rejuvenation and butt lifts. Also, how to work out your vagina.

Fifteen: Finishing Touches
Now that you're gorgeous, some tips and tricks for staying that way.

Acknowledgments*Asterisks indicate chapters that include procedures I've done personally. 
 That's a lot of asterisks!