Men Are Stupid . . . And They Like Big Boobs: A Woman's Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery » (Bargain)

Joan Rivers is a force of nature--and one of the hardest working celebrities in the world--comedienne, bestselling author, Tony-nominated actress, playwright, screenwriter, motion picture director, columnist, lecturer, syndicated radio host, Emmy Award-winning talk show host, jewelry designer, Red Carpet fashion laureate, businesswoman, and mother and grandmother.

Valerie Frankel had published fourteen novels, four non-fiction titles, and one memoir. Her titles include: Thin Is The New Happy, The Best You'll Ever Have, Fringe Girl, Hex and the Single Girl, The Accidental Virgin, and Smart Vs. Pretty.

Joan Rivers is uniquely qualified to talk about plastic surgery — because she's one of the few celebrities unafraid to admit to the world what she's "had done" to keep looking so great. Now, with no-holds-barred, she gives women straight-talking advice on better living through looking better.

Joan Rivers's abiding life philosophy is simple: in the appearance-centric society of the twenty-first century, beauty is key — especially where men are concerned. Men like pretty women. And so, getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted, or removed is as fundamental as wearing makeup or using hair conditioner. Now, for any woman considering her options, Joan Rivers takes the mystery out of cosmetic surgery. Informed by the country's top plastic surgeons, she takes listeners step-by-step through the entire process, from finding the right doctor to the bruising truth about recovery and the facts about cosmetic surgery's very real risks.

But don't worry — there's dish, too. Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs is rife with Hollywood gossip about who's done what and how often...and is filled with Rivers's personal anecdotes about life under the knife. Part comic musing, part bitch-fest, and part hands-on advice, this is a funny, wildly frank, and genuinely passionate argument for a woman's right to do whatever it takes to be beautiful, to feel better about herself, and be happy. Take it from the woman who enjoys having it all — done.

Publishers Weekly

The Rivers brand of comedy, celebrity gossip, fashion commentary and motivational chutzpa so beloved by her fans is on full display in this guide to elective plastic surgery. As a reader, Rivers embodies the "Can we talk?" accessibility of her standup persona, never missing an opportunity for a colorful pun or punch line. Still, she projects authority when imparting medical advice about cosmetic procedures, particularly the importance of selecting a reputable physician and following protocols for after-care and recovery. Her guide spans wrinkle removals to various aesthetic enhancements to female genitalia. Rivers's candor offends and endears with equal measure, and her irreverent treatment deserves credit for offering guidance from health professionals. A Simon & Schuster hardcover. (Jan.)

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Intro: Welcome to My World 1

1 Hello, Doctor!: Some people call them doctors. I call them life-savers 15

2 Botox, Baby!*: Miracle in a needle. 37

3 Plump It Up: Lips*: Permanent or temporary ways to get smoochable lips 53

4 Filler Up: Wrinkles*: Wrinkle-erasing, collagen, Restylane, Juvéderm, and other fillers you need to know about. Plus: mole removal. On Cindy Crawford, the mole looks good. On you? Not so much 63

5 You're So Smooth: Skin*: Skin resurfacing peels, microdermabrasion, laser zapping, freckle nixing, rosacea fixing, and getting rid of broken capillaries, acne scars, and every blemish under the sun. Plus: the ugly truth about cellulite 81

6 More Where You Want It, Less Where You Don't: Hair: Laser body-hair removal and head-hair transplants 99

7 About Face Lifts*: Face lifts of every flavor-full, mini, and feather-facial implants, and revolumizing fat transfers. Plus: how to get better teeth to go with the uplifted face 115

8 When You Care Enough to Send Your Very, Very Breast*: Boob jobs, boob jabs, lifts, reductions, and all you ever wanted to know about how to tweak a nipple 135

9 Bobbing for Noses*: Nose jobs: smaller, bigger, straighter, sharper, narrower. Also, what the hell happened to Michael Jackson? 169

10 Sucks to Be You: Lipo!*: Liposuction: how the fat gets out of your belly, butt, chin, knee, wherever it lurks 187

11 Cutting Out the Middle*: Tummy tucks, mommy makeovers, and how to get your pre-preggers body back 207

12 Eyes Wide Open*: A Wake-up call for drooping eyes and brows. Also, how to get torn lobes and jugheads fixed 225

13 Armand a Leg*: Body and face of a thirty-year-old, limbs of Mother Teresa? Extreme makeovers, for extremities 243

14 Vaginas and Butts: Vaginal rejuvenation and butt lifts. Also, how to work out your vagina 261

15 Finishing Touches: Now that you're gorgeous, some tips and tricks for staying that way 277

Acknowledgments 285